Reply to When you got married, how much did you really think about marrying into your spouse's family?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I didn't think about it as much as I should have.  [/quote]

+1. I didn't think about them at all. Knew he had parents but somehow they didn't matter. If I was reliving my life again I would be looking much more closely at the family [/quote]

I'm on my second marriage.  I got very lucky the first time and had pretty decent in-laws...the dynamic between them and my wife was not great, but not toxic either and they were OK with me. So, like those who didn't check, I just went blissfully along, unaware.

After my divorce, I got involved with and very nearly married someone whose family was horrible (toxic people/dynamic).  So glad they are in the rear-view mirror; yes, they greatly contributed to the decline of the relationship.  After that, yes, I pay very close attention - you don't just marry the person, you marry the family.  And if you look at your future spouse in the context of their family you might see things that weren't obvious at first.  I paid close attention to this in some other later relationships and it was a reliable 'tell'.  Old school advice: Women are told "look at how he treats his mother" and for men, check to see if she has a good relationship with her father; this advice isn't pulled out of thin air.  Just seeing how your spouse relates to their family will tell you a lot about what your family life will be like - so yes, if your spouse is awesome despite their crazy family and they manage them well, then that also tells you something about your spouse (how much more awesome they are than you first realized).

I did just remarry and I love my new in laws.  I got totally lucky, though it's not surprising my awesome wife comes from an awesome family.  [/quote]

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