Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Tearing open gifts one right after the next shows poor manners. Period.
It is just as gauche to turn a consumerist activity into the main event of a family holiday.
YES. THANK YOU.
There is so much build up to the exacting one-by-one exchange at MILs sometimes I feel like it is really the entire point of the holiday. Instead of appreciation, it breeds resentment for her hypermanagement of everyone's holiday.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Tearing open gifts one right after the next shows poor manners. Period.
It is just as gauche to turn a consumerist activity into the main event of a family holiday.
Anonymous wrote:Ugh!!!
The open one gift at a time circus is soooo excruciatingly boring and just drags and drags. It creates awkward moments, for the giver who might be on a much lower budget than everyone else, or when someone doesn't care for a gift or received a duplicate.
My inlaws do it that way and it drives me crazy. It goes on for hours and hours, and 90 minutes into it the kids are yawning and saying things like "I am so tired of opening presents".
What makes it worse is that they are really into exchanging and returning gifts they don't like, and they will ask for the receipt or mention they are returning it right there after they open the present. It is such a boring and controlling way to open presents.
The free for all is such a more festive way to open presents, and it is clear to the giver that their gift is appreciated as the recipient holds it over their head, cheers, or yells thanks across the room or holds up a particularly beautifully wrapped present and exclaims "Everyone, look at this one! Isn't the bow beautiful?". Then at the end you have the fun of piles of wrapping paper to wade through, as everyone discusses how this was the Best-Christmas-EVER!
Nothing beats a big, joyful, Christmas gift giving extravaganza, full of honest and exuberant thanks to the givers.
I think the buoyant extravaganza vs the calm, quiet, taking turns for hours gift circle is a difference between tiny families and medium-large families. It is like two totally different cultures.
Anonymous wrote:Tearing open gifts one right after the next shows poor manners. Period.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I kind of like her idea.
OP again -- I get why some people like this idea. But that's not the point -- the point is that she is trying to control a Christmas get together that isn't even her family! And we've been doing it this way for nearly 40 years, with all sorts of other "visitors" joining us along the way. I just don't get why we should alter a celebration that 20+ people love to appease one person.
And yes, before someone points it out, I'm not my MILs biggest fan. But to me that doesn't factor in here -- there's a clear right and wrong re: etiquette here, unless I'm missing something major.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The one by one gift opening is solely for the benefit of the giver who needs to feel appreciated.
This. My MIL is exactly like this. The even sadder thing is that she doesn't even pick out the gifts. I buy them, mail them to her house for her to wrap and then give away. Sigh.
Ridiculous. The one-by-one is a way to take a moment to appreciate each gift instead of immediately tearing into the next one. Yes, it also allows the giver to see the recipients reaction and/or explain whatever thought went into the gift, and it teaches kids to express thanks.
Last year we went to my in-laws for my first experience with the grab approach. I was overwhelmed, as was my 1.5yr old, who cried and waited to open his gifts until the frenzy was over. I honestly felt like I was in the middle of WalMart on Black Friday. I'll also never know if the recipients cared at all about the carefully chosen gifts I gave, and thus don't know what to get them next time. Fortunately, my DH was also disappointed in how it all went down and was sorry for our son as well. Never again.
LOL -so, you are at the in-laws and think it should be done YOUR way. You sound like OP's MIL. Give your son another Christmas or two, and he will be itching to tear open the paper. So, are you going to insist the in-laws change things at their Christmas, or are you guys going to be so petty that you boycott over how some Christmas gifts are opened? You sound like a control freak.
Not a control freak at all. Love the in-laws, frequently make the 8hrdruve to see them, but will be having Christmas at our house for the foreseeable future. Does it make a difference that their kids are all late-teens, tore through their gifts and then left for their respective rooms to play their new respective video games while DS opened his first-ever Xmas presents? Maybe it doesn't matter to the masses, but it did to me. It all seemed so materialistic and just wasn't the kind of memory I hope to create for my family.
You're contradicting yourself. if you don't like the materialism, why would it matter to you that they witness your child opening his gifts?
I think it was rude of the teenagers to leave the room, but it's not all about your precious baby.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The one by one gift opening is solely for the benefit of the giver who needs to feel appreciated.
This. My MIL is exactly like this. The even sadder thing is that she doesn't even pick out the gifts. I buy them, mail them to her house for her to wrap and then give away. Sigh.
Ridiculous. The one-by-one is a way to take a moment to appreciate each gift instead of immediately tearing into the next one. Yes, it also allows the giver to see the recipients reaction and/or explain whatever thought went into the gift, and it teaches kids to express thanks.
Last year we went to my in-laws for my first experience with the grab approach. I was overwhelmed, as was my 1.5yr old, who cried and waited to open his gifts until the frenzy was over. I honestly felt like I was in the middle of WalMart on Black Friday. I'll also never know if the recipients cared at all about the carefully chosen gifts I gave, and thus don't know what to get them next time. Fortunately, my DH was also disappointed in how it all went down and was sorry for our son as well. Never again.
LOL -so, you are at the in-laws and think it should be done YOUR way. You sound like OP's MIL. Give your son another Christmas or two, and he will be itching to tear open the paper. So, are you going to insist the in-laws change things at their Christmas, or are you guys going to be so petty that you boycott over how some Christmas gifts are opened? You sound like a control freak.
Not a control freak at all. Love the in-laws, frequently make the 8hrdruve to see them, but will be having Christmas at our house for the foreseeable future. Does it make a difference that their kids are all late-teens, tore through their gifts and then left for their respective rooms to play their new respective video games while DS opened his first-ever Xmas presents? Maybe it doesn't matter to the masses, but it did to me. It all seemed so materialistic and just wasn't the kind of memory I hope to create for my family.