Reply to What is a fair contribution from Fiance living in my house?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It has to be fake. I never call fake and actually get really pissed off by the overuse of the word "troll" on dcum, but people like this can't possibly exist. If it is true and you really are this delusional, get rid of him now now now now. Get rid of him yesterday. Can't possibly stress how fast you should run.[/quote]

This is really happening to me this very day. I am with him because I love him and enjoy spending time with him and we have similar interests and make each other laugh. My parents are still together, I don't know anyone divorced, I don't know what is fair and believed that the amount he is contributing (chores and financially) is more than it would be without him. So my alternative is lose what is being contributed and someone I love all in the same day. [/quote]

Yes. Because of everything you have said. Here, I will quote you:

[i]"he is not there to support me and kids that are not his"[/i]

Spouses are, in fact, there to support each other and any associated children.

[i]"he does not ever want to split his stuff he worked for with anyone"[/i]

Does he not believe in marital property? He clearly expects you to split your stuff you've worked for with him.

[i]"... [re helping you out when you are in a jam, as you did for him] if he did it once then it would be expected"[/i]

It SHOULD be expected, because spouses are, in fact, there to support each other.

[i]"It was absurd of me to ask to be beneficiary just in case something happened, he will leave it to his niece"[/i]

The man who has asked you to be his wife will not bequeath you anything.

[i]"he was reluctant, my diamond is fake because I wanted to show that I am not about the money, there is no date"[/i]

He is not committed to marrying you.

Look, OP, it is rare on this forum that there is such universal agreement in a relationship question. This man is USING YOU. You are LETTING HIM.

For the sake of argument, imagine that this is a conversation you are having with your daughter, and that she is in a relationship with a man who behaves this way. Imagine that it was your sister. Then think about what you would say to them. I would be ashamed to think of the example I was setting for my daughter, if I tolerated what you are tolerating. A man who is committed to you would be jumping to help out. He would be grateful for the help you provided. He would want to do nice things for your kids and would consider them part of his family. He would be figuring out a way to build a life WITH you, rather than NEXT TO you. And, at least in my personal opinion, given that you've been together for 4 years, he would have been doing this 2 years ago. The comingling efforts would have come at around the same time as the proposal, which would not have happened reluctantly.

I say all of this from personal experience, on all fronts, including the "I had to help him out for a while when he lost his job" front.

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