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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]$18 is cheap. This is not a regular party. This is a huge, huge deal, that the child spent MONTHS preparing for, that the parents spent THOUSANDS of dollars on (even for a less expensive bar mitzvah). $18 is an insult and not just fine at all. [/quote]

I really hope this is a joke.  If not and you are Jewish, you give the rest of us a bad name.  I agree that a Bar/Bat Mitzvah is a big deal, but really the party is not.  The ceremony is the important part.[/quote]

I'm not sure what you mean by joke, but $18.00 is not appropriate.  At least cover the cost of your (or child's) dinner, dancing, table favors, etc.  The money is supposed to go into a trust fund for college.  BTW, savings bonds are also an xlnt way to go.  I've bought them many times for bar mitzvahs.[/quote]
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The whole party aspect of this religious coming of age has turned into a joke[/b].  At least here in the U.S.  That is what I mean.  The Torah teaches us to give back to our community and those less fortunate than ourselves.  A child from Potomac who's parents are throwing him/her a lavish event does not exactly fit the bill of needing a college fund.  Instead of spending money to feed and entertain all the party goers, maybe the parents should put that money into a college fund.  Not spend thousands of dollars to keep up with the Cohens.  I'm not saying don't have a party, but a child should appreciate what they have and what they recieve. Be it one dollar or a hundred.  Don't expect it, but be grateful for when it comes to you.[/quote]

I completely agree with you, but I'm also the non-Jew who has gone to many of these and brings the hefty checks because I know what is expected.  Until the scenario changes, the parties keep getting more and more lavish, often to ridiculous proportions as in "keeping up with the Steins" (which we watched with Jewish friends and laughed ourselves silly).  I do commend the rabbis who are trying to get this under control.  I do commend those parents who try to put holds on the parties.  I commend those families that choose to re-route some of the excess to charity.    I commend those families that take the family to Israel (family only, not destination bar mitzvah as was the topic of a recent thread - don't make me fly to Israel) instead of spending $200K on a ballroom dinner and orchestra in Potomac.  But so long as those invitations keep coming in, I know what is expected of me in NYC, Miami, or Potomac.  I bring a checkbook.
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