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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP,

You have to accept this. If you try to get him to change course now, it's going to become something bigger.  He might resent you. If he stops being generous, his sister will suspect it's due to your involvement. I agree that it's odd, the way your discovered, the DH's sister's bellyaching about finances while shopping at Nordstrom's, etc. But what makes sense? Him stopping? [b]I never told my ex what to do with his money when we were married. (He had more than me.)[/b] When people are being generous, they are doing it in part for themselves. Maybe SIL's husband is  a tightwad and this is the only way DH can have a big family vacation. Maybe there's stuff about their marriage to which you are not privy. My advice: Acceptance. FYI: My marriage broke up due to an in-law situation.[/quote]

This may sound rude, but your ex is your ex for a reason.  Maybe "acceptance" isn't the right approach here.  The whole perspective of "ex has more money than me, and I never told him what to do with his money" seems really toxic to a partnership, to me.

Maybe if you and your ex pooled all your money and considered it "our money", you would have been closer partners.  And therefore you'd be making decisions together about how to respond as a close and cohesive team to in-law situations.

(Maybe not.  I'm just saying, accepting that your spouse is going to spend thousands of dollars without telling you on things that are not shared priorities does not seem to be a healthy approach, if health is defined as success of the marriage.)[/quote]

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