Reply to Step kiddo is a total Failure to Launch

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Step kiddo 27 was a “promising student” in school but hasn’t been much successful. Graduated from college with niche/unhelpful major, tried out the job rodeo (failed), now moving back in with us. I don’t support it, you’ve gotta move out and find yourself in that way, right? It’s what I always did and I turned out I just fine if I do say so myself. But DH claims that I “never saw [step kid] as my own kid” and that’s what’s fueling my feelings. Well no, I saw my step kid as my step kid. All right and so what? The issue I need your helps with is encouraging my STEP child to move out while avoiding drama with DH. [/quote]

As a stepmother of two adults (with two now-young adult kids of my own with DH), here's my thought:

You're already looking at it negatively and based on what *you* did as a young adult and your own kid.  Not all kids take the same path.  I don't see anything in your comments to indicate your stepkid is a "problem", other than the failure to launch.  What if something happened with your daughter and she asked to move back in, would you want your DH to automatically say no way?  And expect you to be just fine with his attitude?

So work with DH and stepkid to develop a plan.  This is what DH and I did when one of my stepkids dropped out of college and was flailing a bit.  We sat him down and said he had to come up with a plan:  was he going to go back to school, was he going to go to trade school, military, whatever it was to start a career and be able to support himself down the line.  If he wasn't returning to school full-time, he had to work.  He had a year before he had to start paying rent.  He had to help out around the house, keep his space clean, etc.  And he had to give us regular updates on how he was working towards the goals he had him create.

Was I thrilled about it initially or all the time?  No.  And we had our share of bumps in the road along the way.  But I knew when I married someone with kids already, our home wasn't going to be 100% in my control.  And in the end it worked out well and with our help guiding stepson, he launched after a a few years.
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