This thread is bizarre. I have several siblings and literally all of us "moved home to mom" once in our 20s. In my case, I was 27 just like OPs stepson. I had gotten a part time role in my field that was slated to roll into a full time role (it did!!!) and just gotten out of a live in relationship and couldn't afford rent by myself. I moved back home for 6 months, saved money, focused on doing really well at the part time role and then moved right back out once the job became full time. Similar story with all my siblings - moved home for 6-8 months and then moved right back out. We are all now in our last 30s/early 40s and doing well with careers and families.

I'm not reading anything in the original post to suggest that the 27 year old stepson is planning to stay forever.

Until Boomers and Xers became the wealthiest generations and their kids were downwardly mobile, boomerang kids were not a thing. Kids could do better on their own. Now the helicopter parents are realizing that participation trophies have drawbacks.

Anonymous wrote:Failure-to-launch OP should get own place.

Not a bad idea, really. Getting a divorce and using the settlement to get her own house might give OP more peace than staying. Is he a good husband? In what ways? If you get sick first, will he take care of you, or will he leave you and find someone new? How big is your house? How does your daughter feel about it? If the adult stepkid isn't working, who is paying his expenses, and out of what income source or pot? How long is your DH willing to financially support and house his failure-to-launch kid? Is it at a cost to your financial security? Was this a unilateral decision, or did he ask permission to move another adult into your shared housing? If it was a unilateral decision this big, you should seriously consider divorce as there will be more of this as you guys age. Does the adult stepkid carry his weight with household chores, or is he a liability to you when he's there?

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Anonymous wrote:Step kiddo 27 was a “promising student” in school but hasn’t been much successful. Graduated from college with niche/unhelpful major, tried out the job rodeo (failed), now moving back in with us. I don’t support it, you’ve gotta move out and find yourself in that way, right? It’s what I always did and I turned out I just fine if I do say so myself. But DH claims that I “never saw [step kid] as my own kid” and that’s what’s fueling my feelings. Well no, I saw my step kid as my step kid. All right and so what? The issue I need your helps with is encouraging my STEP child to move out while avoiding drama with DH.

Maybe you should move out? Find yourself in that way? It would be a kindness to both your husband and his child. Because, frankly, you sound like a festering, rancid twat.

OP here. Excuse me?

Ignore. They are a bunch of exwifes who hate Stepmoms.

100%

The wicked stepmother archetype exists for a reason. Not all stepmothers are terrible, but they aren’t doing much to hold up their side in this thread. The total lack of concern for SK and the race straight to DIVORCE him and take all MONIES is not a good look.

Op here and right away this tells me all I need to know about you. Gross, ignorant. I’m not wicked, and I’m a good parent and a good stepmom.

You probably actually believe that about yourself.

The rest of us see you for who you are.

OP here. That’s rich. You don’t know me at all.

OP, you're very defensive in this thread, where if you've been on DCUM for any time, you know you're going to get nasty and unhelpful replies. But you choose not to ignore them and come out swinging, which doesn't help your case that *you* aren't part of the problem in the situation you've posted about.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t let my 27 year old child move back home let alone a 27 year old STEP child. Stop shaming OP.

No. She is a twat. And you are disgusting for supporting her. A young adult needs help and she has copped an attitude about it. Her husband should dump her lame ass.

OP here. 27 isn’t a young adult — that’s just an adult. I was married with a kid at 27. I certainly wasn’t crawling back towards my daddy and (step)mommy’s house. I don’t think I’m “disgusting” but your crude phrasing certainly is. “Dump her lame ass”? Is this 2004?

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Anonymous wrote:Step kiddo 27 was a “promising student” in school but hasn’t been much successful. Graduated from college with niche/unhelpful major, tried out the job rodeo (failed), now moving back in with us. I don’t support it, you’ve gotta move out and find yourself in that way, right? It’s what I always did and I turned out I just fine if I do say so myself. But DH claims that I “never saw [step kid] as my own kid” and that’s what’s fueling my feelings. Well no, I saw my step kid as my step kid. All right and so what? The issue I need your helps with is encouraging my STEP child to move out while avoiding drama with DH.

Maybe you should move out? Find yourself in that way? It would be a kindness to both your husband and his child. Because, frankly, you sound like a festering, rancid twat.

OP here. Excuse me?

Ignore. They are a bunch of exwifes who hate Stepmoms.

100%

The wicked stepmother archetype exists for a reason. Not all stepmothers are terrible, but they aren’t doing much to hold up their side in this thread. The total lack of concern for SK and the race straight to DIVORCE him and take all MONIES is not a good look.

Op here and right away this tells me all I need to know about you. Gross, ignorant. I’m not wicked, and I’m a good parent and a good stepmom.

You probably actually believe that about yourself.

The rest of us see you for who you are.

OP here. That’s rich. You don’t know me at all.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Step kiddo 27 was a “promising student” in school but hasn’t been much successful. Graduated from college with niche/unhelpful major, tried out the job rodeo (failed), now moving back in with us. I don’t support it, you’ve gotta move out and find yourself in that way, right? It’s what I always did and I turned out I just fine if I do say so myself. But DH claims that I “never saw [step kid] as my own kid” and that’s what’s fueling my feelings. Well no, I saw my step kid as my step kid. All right and so what? The issue I need your helps with is encouraging my STEP child to move out while avoiding drama with DH.

Maybe you should move out? Find yourself in that way? It would be a kindness to both your husband and his child. Because, frankly, you sound like a festering, rancid twat.

OP here. Excuse me?

Ignore. They are a bunch of exwifes who hate Stepmoms.

100%

The wicked stepmother archetype exists for a reason. Not all stepmothers are terrible, but they aren’t doing much to hold up their side in this thread. The total lack of concern for SK and the race straight to DIVORCE him and take all MONIES is not a good look.

Op here and right away this tells me all I need to know about you. Gross, ignorant. I’m not wicked, and I’m a good parent and a good stepmom.

The real issue for you might be that you're easily triggered and more worried about what people think about you than what's best for everyone, including you and your own daughter. There's nothing evil about not wanting to live with your spouse’s 27-year-old, especially if you are concerned it's going to be a long-term situation that negatively impacts your quality of life or retirement goals. You probably need an individual therapist to help you figure out what you want and how to set and enforce boundaries. Don't live your life in avoidance of being called names of shamed by people who are projecting their own issues on you.

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Anonymous wrote:Step kiddo 27 was a “promising student” in school but hasn’t been much successful. Graduated from college with niche/unhelpful major, tried out the job rodeo (failed), now moving back in with us. I don’t support it, you’ve gotta move out and find yourself in that way, right? It’s what I always did and I turned out I just fine if I do say so myself. But DH claims that I “never saw [step kid] as my own kid” and that’s what’s fueling my feelings. Well no, I saw my step kid as my step kid. All right and so what? The issue I need your helps with is encouraging my STEP child to move out while avoiding drama with DH.

Maybe you should move out? Find yourself in that way? It would be a kindness to both your husband and his child. Because, frankly, you sound like a festering, rancid twat.

OP here. Excuse me?

Ignore. They are a bunch of exwifes who hate Stepmoms.

100%

The wicked stepmother archetype exists for a reason. Not all stepmothers are terrible, but they aren’t doing much to hold up their side in this thread. The total lack of concern for SK and the race straight to DIVORCE him and take all MONIES is not a good look.

Op here and right away this tells me all I need to know about you. Gross, ignorant. I’m not wicked, and I’m a good parent and a good stepmom.

You probably actually believe that about yourself.

The rest of us see you for who you are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Step kiddo 27 was a “promising student” in school but hasn’t been much successful. Graduated from college with niche/unhelpful major, tried out the job rodeo (failed), now moving back in with us. I don’t support it, you’ve gotta move out and find yourself in that way, right? It’s what I always did and I turned out I just fine if I do say so myself. But DH claims that I “never saw [step kid] as my own kid” and that’s what’s fueling my feelings. Well no, I saw my step kid as my step kid. All right and so what? The issue I need your helps with is encouraging my STEP child to move out while avoiding drama with DH.

Maybe you should move out? Find yourself in that way? It would be a kindness to both your husband and his child. Because, frankly, you sound like a festering, rancid twat.

OP here. Excuse me?

Ignore. They are a bunch of exwifes who hate Stepmoms.

100%

The wicked stepmother archetype exists for a reason. Not all stepmothers are terrible, but they aren’t doing much to hold up their side in this thread. The total lack of concern for SK and the race straight to DIVORCE him and take all MONIES is not a good look.

Op here and right away this tells me all I need to know about you. Gross, ignorant. I’m not wicked, and I’m a good parent and a good stepmom.

You haven’t demonstrated any care for your SK. You haven’t discussed any ways to help him move forward. Your only concern has been how to keep him out of the house when his dad wants him to move in. I’m not seeing anything that reads “good stepmother” here. It’s not that you have to agree that moving him in is best, but you should care about why he is floundering and how you can help.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t let my 27 year old child move back home let alone a 27 year old STEP child. Stop shaming OP.

No. She is a twat. And you are disgusting for supporting her. A young adult needs help and she has copped an attitude about it. Her husband should dump her lame ass.

That young adult needs a job.

27 years old living in Daddy’s basement.

OP - if he moves back in he will never move back out. When you and your husband pass away, he will not move out of the house. He’s going to be a bum for life.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t let my 27 year old child move back home let alone a 27 year old STEP child. Stop shaming OP.

No. She is a twat. And you are disgusting for supporting her. A young adult needs help and she has copped an attitude about it. Her husband should dump her lame ass.

Failure-to-launch OP should get own place.

So, what's the kid's problem? Why would they want to live at home? What mental health issues do they have?
I cannot even imagine a young person with all the strength and energy not to want to get a job, any job.
I'd cut my stepchild some slack, but 27 is just too old for a slack.
My own kid got a job at 18 while in college.
As for you, I'd get rid of that husband of yours or hope he makes enough to pay for the kid's room or studio somewhere.
Nobody wants to hire the young adults the longer they wait to get work experience and gather themselves.

Anonymous wrote:Step kiddo 27 was a “promising student” in school but hasn’t been much successful. Graduated from college with niche/unhelpful major, tried out the job rodeo (failed), now moving back in with us. I don’t support it, you’ve gotta move out and find yourself in that way, right? It’s what I always did and I turned out I just fine if I do say so myself. But DH claims that I “never saw [step kid] as my own kid” and that’s what’s fueling my feelings. Well no, I saw my step kid as my step kid. All right and so what? The issue I need your helps with is encouraging my STEP child to move out while avoiding drama with DH.

As a stepmother of two adults (with two now-young adult kids of my own with DH), here's my thought:

You're already looking at it negatively and based on what *you* did as a young adult and your own kid. Not all kids take the same path. I don't see anything in your comments to indicate your stepkid is a "problem", other than the failure to launch. What if something happened with your daughter and she asked to move back in, would you want your DH to automatically say no way? And expect you to be just fine with his attitude?

So work with DH and stepkid to develop a plan. This is what DH and I did when one of my stepkids dropped out of college and was flailing a bit. We sat him down and said he had to come up with a plan: was he going to go back to school, was he going to go to trade school, military, whatever it was to start a career and be able to support himself down the line. If he wasn't returning to school full-time, he had to work. He had a year before he had to start paying rent. He had to help out around the house, keep his space clean, etc. And he had to give us regular updates on how he was working towards the goals he had him create.

Was I thrilled about it initially or all the time? No. And we had our share of bumps in the road along the way. But I knew when I married someone with kids already, our home wasn't going to be 100% in my control. And in the end it worked out well and with our help guiding stepson, he launched after a a few years.

Yikes!
Your husband is correct. After all Mr
Stepson isn’t your own.

Also, Mr husbands fault for marrying someone who doesn’t see his kid as their own I guess.

Anyways Mr Stepson is unemployed and living w the two of you isn’t ideal.

What you signed up for I guess OP.