Reply to DH's angry parenting is ruining our family

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Some adults truly do not understand child development. They react to chidren as if the behavior is coming from a human with a fully formed brain.

I think OP is on the right track with counseling and anger management, but I would also reocmmend that she make him read books on child development and parenting. And do it quickly, becuase your child's personality is being formed by these negative interactions.[/quote]

Completely agree and I don't want to be pessimistic but I think so much of this behavior co-occurs with other destructive traits. I am the PP whose DH refused to even listen in on the PEP class. Absolutely doesn't understand development or what's age-appropriate behavior or processing but also just doesn't care / thinks he's smarter / always finds excuses why strategies wouldn't work vs trying to learn or try to see the takeaways.[/quote]

My DH had a pile of ignored parenting books and classes that he signed up for in a showy way and never attended. He was in total denial of any concepts of parenting or child development, and as our DC got to the older elementary years he snapped. [b]The idea that a child was a separate person with agency was too much for him[/b] and he went into a violent rage in relation to something DC was legitimately upset about.

His reaction to that was to serve me with divorce papers with no warning and to then start a custody battle. How dare anyone tell him how to parent!

It’s a nightmare. OP, I don’t want to scare you but do have some general safety and independence plans filed away in the back of your head.[/quote]

This resonates so much. For us baby years were fine and issues started at age 5. There is the expectation of immediate compliance and everything is "disrespect"/unacceptable. And no thought to socio-emotional development and this being an actual person we are trying to raise for the world. I could write a novel with what all the underlying causes are but ultimately it's the here and now we all need to deal with.[/quote]

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