Reply to DH's angry parenting is ruining our family

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[quote=Anonymous]I grew up with a verbally abusive parent.  The other parent was a gem.  But, that didn't compensate for the abuse, which warped me and my siblings and have made us unable to find and maintain long term partnerships.  I have had 2 primary intimate relationships - both many years -- and both of which were ultimately abusive.

I left my exDH when he started abusing and manipulating me, because I never wanted my kids to be impacted like I was.

I know people think they are protecting their kids when they stay with an abuser, but you're actually just teaching your kids that abuse is OK and that it is one person's job to monitor and correct another person's bad behavior. IMO, it's far better to have 50% of the time in a normal, healthy home and 50% of the time with an abuser, unprotected and give the children access to a therapist that can help them navigate the abuse (and be a mandated, independent reporter).  Over time, the abusive parent will either change, or the kids will drift away from them emotionally and physically.

And, for the PP who feared the loss of a "male influence," the last thing I wanted for my male child was to have his abusive father as his model. I found other male influences for my son -- my brothers, my father, even some activity leaders (although you do have to be careful to make sure your kid is not groomed or abused by others.) I'm sorry for whatever happened to your brothers after divorce, but IME, staying with someone who is emotionally, verbally or physically abusive is not a solution.  BTW, "throwing things out of anger" is a specific kind of domestic violence called "coercive control."[/quote]

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