Reply to MIL cuts us off, then demands holiday access. Advice?

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Reply to "MIL cuts us off, then demands holiday access. Advice?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Maybe just let her come and go as she pleases but don't give in to the drama. Don't change plans for her, don't make special plans for her, and don't act like it's a big deal if and when she shows up. She's seeking attention and to upend your lives . . . don't give her oxygen.[/quote]
During her “re-entry”, though, she acts like a wounded animal, cowering in corners and just acting generally uneasy, like someone may yell at her. It creates an incredibly uncomfortable situation, and my kids are old enough to pick up on the awkwardness. I don’t want every holiday to be shrouded in this tension. It’s not fair to them, or to us.

—OP[/quote]

Let her come over and be awkward. You continue to do you, and you don't give in to her attention-seeking behavior. She wants you to argue with you, she wants to control your emotions, she wants you to ask her what's wrong. Don't.[/quote]

This is who she is. If your kids ask about it, just respond breezily, "oh, you know grandma, she's often weird when we haven't seen her in a while. Just leave her be" and go about your day. [/quote]
But what does that look like when we are hosting just her? I feel obligated to sit with the family. What does “go about your day” look like in this instance, when she comes over (she’s local) and expects to celebrate the holiday? It feels rude to just leave the room, but I guess I don’t know what else to do!

—OP[/quote]

PP here. Are you hosting just her? So it's your nuclear family (you, husband, kids) and your MIL, and that's it?

Just do what you would do if there were eight other people there. "Okay, appetizers in the living room!" set them down, and start chatting and enjoying yourself with your husband and kids. "Hey MIL, how's your dog/gout/winter/hobby?" She: "weirdly mumbles" You: "Alrighty! Hey kiddo, you want to decorate the cookies with me, they're all cool. Anyone else want to join?" She "weirdly mumbles" You: "Okay, we'll be in the kitchen!" and yeah, you walk out of the room.

No eggshell walking, no trying to "solve" the problem. She can join in or not. If she gives a mumbly weird answer, you move on. She can sit there and be awkward, or she can grow up and join the fun. No skin off your nose.

Based on the specifics of what she tends to do, you can role play this out with your husband in advance if you'd like. Or give us some more specific scenarios (set the whole stage) and we'll give you some suggestions. [/quote]

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