Reply to should I watch one grandchild for free?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You're doing a really kind thing, and you will have a lovely bond with your grandkid. It doesn't have to be a negative for the other family; it just doesn't make sense in this situation. They're not even thinking about it, frankly.

Your friend is creating a problem where none exists. Don't listen to her. [/quote]

I disagree. I think the friend pointed out something that is pretty obvious to anyone on the outside who has ever had to worry about childcare. Providing 100% of work time childcare for one grandchild and doing nothing for the other is pretty crappy. And I personally think it's pretty crappy for OP's daughter to provide 40+ hours of free childcare every week. Has your daughter had enough self-awareness to recognize the inequity that is being set up and has SHE verbalized her concern about how grandma is doing so much for her that she is not doing for the other child? I bet the daughter is sort of blissfully ignoring this glaring inequity because she is really counting on free daycare. [/quote]

Apparently, this is very person specific. I would not dream of having an issue with what you have described, unless it was part of some broader pattern of favoring the other child. You don't refuse to help one kid because the other is too far away to help, and you don't send one kid money to make up for the fact that you are babysitting the other's kid. This all sounds very over the top in terms of bean counting because there are geographic realities at the heart of it. You can't be in two places at once.

I do think it makes sense to be sure to give special attention to the grandchild you don't see as often when they are all in one place. If there is a special meal you know the other grandkid likes, you bring it over.  Show your love through phone calls and just by caring. If you are present, you will end up being helpful in other ways. Roles may reverse one day. You never know. You don't want to set up a dynamic where every helpful thing to one child requires an equal, inorganic overture to the other. [/quote]

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