Reply to Have you been able to overthrow the AP?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Spouse is in a relation at work. Have confronted couple times but has denied. AP is single while I have two kids-he is a devoted dad, and we have long history together. Have more evidence now and want to confront (final) but not without a plan of getting the AP
out. He has a huge reputation to lose FWIW..anyone successfully navigated these waters? I will decide whether I stay or leave after the AP is out[/quote]

It always amazes me how women give men change after chance when they are embarrassed this way. Any man who cheats on you doesn't care about you. He doesn't love you. If my DW ever gets an AP she is gone..I don't care about long history together and all that crap. If she lets another dude's dick in her while we are married, she is no longer entitled to mine.

Some of you ladies really need to have more self respect.[/quote]

FWIW, I think most women who stay believe they are prioritizing their kids over themselves.  It's not really about self-esteem.  It's about maintaining sufficient custody and a safe environment for your kids.

I found out my now ex was cheating when I was 6 months pregnant with #2.  I was also in my last year of grad school about to embark on a lucrative career, and I simply didn't have the bandwidth to kick him out the moment that I knew (which I would have absolutely done if kids were not involved).  I spent 2 years encouraging him to go to AA and seek psychiatric treatment and therapy.  Then I kicked him out. #2 didn't need to be breastfeed anymore.  I had 2 years to gather extensive hard evidence of his cheating. ExDH had established himself as absolutely not the primary caretaker, and he was happy to move out and leave full custody to me.

So, again, it's not about self-esteem.  It's about having the economic power to get out, and the social/legal structure to maintain appropriate care of the kids. [/quote]

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