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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hey OP. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

You could be describing my marriage a decade ago. He'd yell, name call, use intimidation, make me wonder if he would hit me. I really wasnt sure what to do. I worried that my kids would grow up in a violent household, like the one I grew up in til my dad split.

But I was determined to give my kids a better life. I stuck it out and kept reasserting my boundaries. Eventually he stopped calling me names or flipping me off. He never makes movements that make me brace for impact. He still does use intimidation sometimes, mostly to silence me. But for the most part, it's peaceful. Maybe once a year, he acts like a jerk. The rest of the time, he's great.

I am offering this because people always say that men like this dont change. But my experience was different. The way things changed was that I went to a counselor through my employer EAP. I did 6 sessions focused on communicating boundaries. The therapist told me it wouldn't work and I was in danger. But I said, okay, let's pretend it will work and approach it like that. She taught me things like to tell him during a calm time that I wasnt okay with being screamed at, and the next time he screamed, I would not talk to him for 12 hours. I thought he'd scream at me just for telling him this, but he didn't. It worked. He'd call and scream and I'd remind him that if he screamed, we needed 12 hours incommunicado to cool off. This really seemed to break whatever cycle we were in.

I came here to DCUM right before all that. I don't really know what a normal relationship is like. So I asked people how often is normal for a man to scream at his wife, call names, punch walls, throw things etc. And every person said it's not normal. I felt appreciative for that insight. But I also felt like I was alone on an island, speaking a language no one could understand. OP, you're not alone. Your dream of a family and happy marriage is important and you deserve it. It is still possible, even with the circumstances you currently face. He can be better, it is possible for people to change. But prioritize changing this dynamic NOW. [/quote]

This is extremely rare and I do not agree with staying with the hope he will change.

OP, you have a very short window to leave and protect your child. Do not wait until child is order and becomes aware of the abuse. It will get worse.

By that time, it will be affecting your child and at times could and will be directed toward your child. This man has no boundaries and is abusive. He is dangerous.

Leave him now. If you wait, then he will have time alone with your kid post divorce and trust me, you will not want that.

Ask me how I know.[/quote]

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