Reply to Spin off - Kids ringing doorbell in neighborhood/free roaming kids. What are your rules?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So you say no to the drop ins, send kids back to their own house for lunch/dinner, tell your kid each family has different ways of doing things. This really isn’t so hard.

[b]I do feel bad for the child with autism who is already being isolated by other families.[/b] [/quote]

This stood out to me too. Yikes. Poor kid/family.[/quote]

+100 the kid is also in … PRESCHOOL. Those behaviors are normal for preschoolers who don’t have a social disability.

Our neighborhood is exactly the same. Some parents prioritize order and control and others like the care-free socializing and don’t mind chaos.  And the families set their own rules accordingly. [/quote]

DP. I think a kid is allowed to decide he doesn't want to hang out with a kid who hits and exposes himself, even if those behaviors are not uncommon in preschoolers.[/quote]

Reading Comprehension. The op is quite clear that her kid is NOT ALLOWED to play with him. Most older kids aren’t bothered by naked little kids. I actually find it weird that it bothers her so much. [/quote]

You're the one who needs to work on your reading comprehension.

OP: my son has [b]complained[/b] to me about a little boy in the neighborhood who pulls his pants down and shows his genitals or hits other kids. My son is no longer allowed to play with him, [b]nor does he want to[/b], due to the hitting.

I've bolded the parts you missed in your rush to be sanctimonious.[/quote]

You literally wrote “not allowed to” in your response.  Most kids don’t want to play with autistic kids. The op (and you, apparently) would rather take these moments to reinforce exclusion and ick principles than take the opportunity to say “Larlo, he’s FOUR and has a disability. Let’s talk about why his disability might cause him to act this way.  Ignore the behavior and be kind to him” 
Doesn’t mean he has to be his best friend. But such justified unkindness will show itself eventually. 
[/quote]

That has nothing to do with autism.  Teach your kids to be kind. [/quote]

Right. Teach your kids to be kind and gentle as they say, “no thank you, I don’t want to play with you but I appreciate the offer.”[/quote]

This is a group of neighborhood kids that play together.  It’s not like OP’s kid is playing one on one with an autistic preschooler.  
I really don’t see how you can kindly walk up to a group of kids playing tag or whatever and say, “I won’t play if Larlo is playing.  I don’t play with Larlo.”  
[/quote]

Fair point. So in that specific scenario, I guess if Larlo is hitting the other kids or exposing himself while playing tag, I think the onus is on OP’s child to refrain from joining. Sucks for OP’s kid but I agree that there’s not a kind and gentle way to avoid Larlo in that situation except for OP’s kid to excuse himself. And Larlo should be free to play with kids who can tolerate his behavior. [/quote]

Pp here.  I think that what you are saying here sounds reasonable.  Something like, “If Larlo starts hitting, then you are done playing for that afternoon.”  
Instead of what OP was saying, which was, “Larlo is a hitter, so you can’t play with him anymore.”

[/quote]

DP. Does the fact that OP's kid doesn't want to play with the kid matter at all? For me, that's the real issue. If the kid's behavior is consistently bad enough that a kid doesn't want to play with them, I think it makes sense to support them in keeping themselves safe.[/quote]

Pp here.  No.  I don’t think that matters.  My kids have all had times that they don’t like one kid or another.  It’s not okay to exclude someone from the group, and it’s not okay to ask the other kids to choose between playing with you and playing with the kid you don’t like.  [/quote]

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