Reply to DW doesn’t want my mother to move in with us.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s so interesting that the word “smug” gets thrown around here any time anyone else can do something successfulkybthatbthrbposter could not.

You realize that that people all over the world share inter generational households? That doing that takes years of planning and communication and agreement? That there is a degree of family values at play? These families probably doesn’t see theirs in the same way as you do. [/quote]

The ones being referred to as smug are the ones that have never done this and judge others that can’t or are unable to. More power to those that have successfully lived this way but it doesn’t mean a person loves their parents less or more than the next. It’s not a competition. Everyone has to do what works for them. Attacking someone’s ‘values’ because they can’t live with someone else (for whatever reason) doesn’t sound very kind. You can’t generalize when it comes to these situations or put yourself on a higher moral ground. Some people have abusive family members, some people don’t have the money or resources. Nobody is superior in this situation, you don’t get a prize for doing this. [/quote]

I wanted to add that I come from this type of culture where they say it’s about their ‘values’ but if you talk to most of the people actually doing the caregiving, they generally feel forced into the situation because of cultural expectations and there is a lot of resentment brewing under the surface.

I’ve both lived with my elderly parents and separate form them, so I speak from both aspects. As much as I would love to do the maximum for everyone, it’s not always physically or emotionally possible.

But kudos to you for your ‘family values’. Clearly the rest of us are lacking. [/quote]

Who said anything about lacking? Some families value inter generational households, some value making sure older members are placed in specialized housing, etc. Some don’t consider it at all. But in general, families have a set of values that they follow through with with regards to both elder and child care. It’s not a judgment- different families have different values on this.

I’m not really sure about why you’re so prickly about this. [/quote]

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