Reply to Anyone have an adult child who seems to hate you suddenly and for no apparent reason?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There is a blame-your-parents-for-everything movement in the internet. It's trendy to call parents "emotionally immature", "neglectful", etc. [/quote]

People keep forgetting that parents weren't born adults, they are the product of their upbringing. If you question their parenting, wait till you become a parent of your own teen.[/quote]

Becoming a parent myself is what made me question my own upbringing. I realized that I sincerely love my daughter. I find her antics mostly adorable. My natural instinct when she’s upset or hurt is to comfort her rather than dismiss it. It was a lighting bulb to realize “oh, this is how parents are supposed to feel about their children? It’s not just a common universal experience that children are annoying and anything that requires you pay attention to them is worth being punished?”

[/quote]

I can relate. Becoming a parent made me wonder how my mother could rage at us and say such terrible things and not feel remorse. It made me wonder how she could think it was appropriate to dump all her emotional issues on me and make me her confidant from the age of 3 or 4. There were so many things I wondered about, yet I still pretended to adore her and wanted to keep the peace desperately. It wasn't until one of my children became ill and I developed my own serious health issues that I had to distance because she was raging so much over the fact I wasn't doing enough for HER and telling me how selfish I was despite knowing what I had going on. I regretted not protecting both my children from her.

Side note...if you met her when she was a little younger, before she lost more of her filter and started showing the dark side to others, you would think she charming, funny, empathetic, loving and everything a daughter would ever want in a mother. I would often hear "I just looooooove your mom. You are so lucky." She often told stories to make herself out to be a saint. That all just made me feel worse, like I definitely deserved it all. Keep in mind I only occasionally rebelled-far less than a typical teenager. Mostly I was a people-pleaser and she kept raising the bar.[/quote]

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