Reply to DD wants to bring dullard bf for Christmas

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What is your relationship like with her? I was in your daughter's position and I wish my mother had pulled me aside to point the red flags out to me. She didn't and it was for the worst. We talk about it now and she says she never said anything because she didn't want to impose on my life, but I didn't see what she saw until it was too late.[/quote]

NP. My sister dated and eventually married an absolute loser. Red flags everywhere. After I met him twice, I did say something to my sister.

And she absolutely flipped out on me.

No one likes him, but everyone else humors her. She's married to a man-child 16 years her senior, who relentlessly shares whatever half-baked thought comes to mind, who can't manage anything himself and expects her to do everything, including throwing one of his teenage daughters from his first marriage and all-out birthday party 10 days after my sister gave birth to their child. I didn't bite me younger that day, told him he needed to step up and stop being a waste of oxygen, and told my sister this is ridiculous.

So now we haven't spoken in nearly 4 years. According to my dad, sister is increasingly frustrated. My mom says sister won't leave him because she doesn't want to be twice divorced, apparently a fate worse than death.

My point is, even when someone is willing to be honest about a significant other's red flags, people don't want to hear it. I went through this with a friend in a physically abusive relationship. No matter how many times people around her said, from the earliest days of the relationship, "hey, red flag!" she rationalized it away. When he started beating her and the cycle of leaving and returning started, pointing out THAT HE WAS BEATING HER was met with resistance. She thought she was in love, and that mattered more than anything else.[/quote]

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