Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing the OP is going to be on here posting about how she hates her MIL in six months or less. And she'll be so surprised at how their relationship has gone downhill since the baby was born.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all the responses. I am very grateful to my mom and SIL for throwing this shower for me. [b]I'm uncomfortable demanding [/b]they invite the in laws when apparently they don't want to. I feel like my place is to show up, open presents, and thank everyone profusely. No?

and yes, this is everyone's first grandchild and nephew on both sides.

I get along great with the in laws, no issue there. It's been suggested I owe DH an apology but I don't feel like I did anything wrong, except get caught between families. Thx again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all the responses. I am very grateful to my mom and SIL for throwing this shower for me. I'm uncomfortable demanding they invite the in laws when apparently they don't want to. I feel like my place is to show up, open presents, and thank everyone profusely. No?

and yes, this is everyone's first grandchild and nephew on both sides.

I get along great with the in laws, no issue there. It's been suggested I owe DH an apology but I don't feel like I did anything wrong, except get caught between families. Thx again.

The thing you did wrong is to not ask your mom and SIL if there would be a problem with sending an invite to your MIL and SIL. No one said anything about 'demanding' they be invited, but why would you think they 'don't want to' invite your husband's closest relatives? It is generally accepted that the grandmother of the baby is invited - regardless of whether she is your mom or your husband's.

Anonymous wrote:Grandmas to be are usually the first people on the invite list.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all the responses. I am very grateful to my mom and SIL for throwing this shower for me. I'm uncomfortable demanding they invite the in laws when apparently they don't want to. I feel like my place is to show up, open presents, and thank everyone profusely. No?

and yes, this is everyone's first grandchild and nephew on both sides.

I get along great with the in laws, no issue there. It's been suggested I owe DH an apology but I don't feel like I did anything wrong, except get caught between families. Thx again.

Unfortunately, while you get along great with them now, if you don't do something about this, you will start down the path to not having so great a relationship with them. As you've pointed out, this is the first grandchild on both sides. Your MIL is just as invested in this first child of the next generation as your mother is. While you may be able to understand her justification of such an egregious breach of etiquette and manners, your MIL probably will not and will feel that YOU were the one that prevented her from celebrating her first grandchild's welcome to the world. It is very strange when the parents of the child (e.g. you and your husband) are not consulted on the guest list. This is much like not consulting a bride and groom on who to invite to a wedding shower or wedding. Anyone excluded will automatically assume that you set the guest list and excluded those people you didn't want. You will be the one bearing the brunt of hurt feelings, in some cases, for years to come. If you are willing to accept that and have to make amends to those people you hurt, then go ahead, continue to be complacent and accept your mother's breach of etiquette. If you are not, then you need to speak up before those invitations go out. Otherwise, you are at fault for letting this happen.

Anonymous wrote:Um, look atthe OP's reply. Her SIL is helping plan the party, meaning, the SIL doesn't think the MIL needs to be invited. Yeah, I'd say OP is stuck between sides here and there's alot we don't know guys. I have two MILs and four grandmas myself, and not everyone gets invited to everything (although each is invited to something).

I still vote to invite the MIL and all SILs. And your mom and all your sisters. But I'm not the hostess, and as others have pointed out, we don't know how many there are.

Anonymous wrote:Um, look atthe OP's reply. Her SIL is helping plan the party, meaning, the SIL doesn't think the MIL needs to be invited. Yeah, I'd say OP is stuck between sides here and there's alot we don't know guys. I have two MILs and four grandmas myself, and not everyone gets invited to everything (although each is invited to something).

I still vote to invite the MIL and all SILs. And your mom and all your sisters. But I'm not the hostess, and as others have pointed out, we don't know how many there are.

Anonymous wrote:And just because no one else has said it, you owe your husband an apology because you have an obligation to stand up for him and facilitate the relationship b/w your unborn child and your DH's family. You're failing to meet that obligation, and then playing dumb about it. Part of marriage is putting your spouse's needs at least equal to your own, and inviting his mom and sister is something he shouldn't even have to ask for.