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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Did anyone grow up with parents who provided zero life guidance and emotional support/growth during their childhood and formative years? How did you deal? How did you learn the tools to have an emotional life and personal growth? Did your siblings learn?[/quote]

I'm the poster child for dysfunctional family hah!  Only child of 2 working parents with own business who had a horrible marriage but stuck it out for the sake of successful business.  Never saw them as they always worked, as I'm the kid of immigrants, they were hardcore tiger parents who were physically and verbally abusive.  I was a latch key kid growing up and really had to fend for myself.  I had no opportunity for mental health or tutoring support even though I struggled academically in school.  There were expectations placed upon me yet I had no guidance.  My husband refers to my parents as sharks.

How did I end up married to a stable loving guy and have 2 good kids and a successful career with well rounded friends?

I attribute my being so grounded to the fact that I instinctively sought out people who were good for me.  Never had a lot of friends but I held onto those I had and my relationships have held firm over 20, 30, 40 years with the same people.  I was close to friends with very stable families and I was close to them and their families.  My wedding invites included not just my friends but their parents as well.  I surrounded myself with people who could fill some void for me.  I dated guys who came from huge families - I definitely had unconscious patterns - I enjoyed being around people who were stable, no drama, having really strong families.

I made a lot of mistakes of course.  It took me a very long time to date someone who didn't just use me for physical gratification.  I didn't really get intimacy on any level as I never saw it, had it.  I catch myself being overbearing with my kids on occasion but they set me straight right away!  :)  I think DH is a great guy but while I married late, I probably could have done better for myself in terms of a stronger match.  I changed jobs a lot and I work for myself.  It's super hard for me to sustain relationships in terms of burning bridges too readily.  While I have a small core of friends I've known for years, I have also deep regrets of severing a lot of other relationships with old friends who I acted too rashly with and I think it's part of my dysfunction in not having anyone model healthy relationships nor provide guidance.  I think if I had more knowledge I probably would not have jumped at marriage and having kids even.  I just thought that was the way you had to go - get married and have kids.  Never had anyone tell me there were options for how I could live the best life for me.

Ultimately, I am proud of building a successful life for myself getting through the stuff I've had to manage completely on my own.  In hindsight, I think I was very lucky in meeting the people I did.  Some of it is also just myself.  I wanted better, I had good instincts and I have faith.  Not religious but spiritual faith.

My advice for people who are lost and have nobody is to know that there is no closure in the sense of revelations, explanations or that kind of stuff.  If you are lucky, you will have grace.  You only have yourself in this life, no matter how much support you have or don't have.  All of us are in the same boat.  I'm a BIG believe in nature v nurture.  You will turn out how you turn out because of you.  Time heals and sheds clarity on a lot and life is fair in the sense that you reap what you sow and you get what you want if you want it bad enough.

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