Reply to Teen DS doesn't want to spend time with blended family

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Agree, OP, do not insert yourself in the middle of this, it will make things worse. I'd set up a therapist for DS and his father to see, NOT SM.[/quote]

OP, I was in a similar situation. The best thing I did is get my kid's their own individual therapists. The therapists helps the kids assess the situation, evaluate what is reasonable, brainstorm about how to communicate with Dad and Stepmom, set boundaries and learn tools to manage their emotions.

I would offer your kid a therapist. Explain that his feelings are legitimate and you want to support him by giving him the tool of a neutral, skilled and educated person to help your son, because blowing up, while completely understandable, is not really going to be a successful long term management strategy for his relationship with his dad.  And let your son know that you support him, but you realize that it is only going to make the situation worse if you get involved - either by speaking to dad and stepmom or by coaching him (son) on how to manage.

This is NOT at all a situation for family therapy between you and exDH. Do not get sucked into that.

You basically need to gray rock stepmom and to the extent possible, exDH.  No information is shared about DS except things that have to do with child custody or child support. DS is old enough to communicate with exDH directly about school and personal life and invite him to activities.  DS should get himself on school listservs, etc.

You'll have to think through college drop-off, parent's weekend, etc.  It will be up to the kid to plan and invite whomever he likes. [/quote]

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