Reply to If you "tiger mom'd" your kids, how did they turn out in college (and beyond)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]To be fair, kids of my circle's tiger moms seem to be doing well.[/quote]

I don't doubt it. And when they get married, many of them will choose to spend holidays with their spouse's families who are interested in them as human beings and not just what they can achieve.[/quote]

Yup!  You may think they are happy and don't mind how you raised them.  But in reality, many did not enjoy it and appreciate being appreciated for whom they are.  There is so much more to a person than their GPA and academic achievements.  We care more about what they do with their lives.  Are they good, kind, generous people?  Do other people want to spend time with them? 
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Plenty of "normal" parents have kids who won't speak to them or spend holidays with them. Nor does having a good GPA preclude one from doing something with their lives or being a good, kind, generous person that other people want to spend time with. You're thinking in black and white.[/quote]

Obviously it's not just "black and white". But very few kids just up and not speak to their parents for no real reason.  There is always a reason---typically something to do with how parents have treated them up til that point.

It is not okay to push push push your kids without allowing them to develop into overall good humans.  There are also plenty of good kids with high GPAs who are genuinely good people---the vast majority of them got there because of self motivation and guidance from parents, NOT pushing pushing pushing from a tiger parent.

I'd prefer my kids learn how to motivate themselves and volunteer because it's a fun and good thing to do, not just because "it's needed for college".  
No, we didn't just tell our kids "Cs are okay, just make it thru HS and that's all we expect".  Our kids know we expected them to give 110% and work their hardest.  But we never sent them to tutoring unless they were actually struggling (and getting a 94% in a class is NOT struggling).  We never pushed them to do kumon from age 3+ in hopes they would be advanced in math. Instead we read to them, played with them and encouraged games and activities that built math and critical thinking skills.  One kid loved to do math problems, so we gave them that.  The other had ADHD and EF issues, and certainly wasn't sitting down to do stupid math problems at age 4.

Know what---the first kid is a math wiz since K.  Engineering major in college starting in Calc 3.

other kid ended up a business major, did well in college calc (despite struggling in HS), graduated and landed a great job.

For both kids, the motivation to excel came from them and thru their own hardwork.

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You do know that just because you have preconceived judmental notions about everyone and how they should live that they aren't always right? The idea that good grades and good people don't go together is a clear flag to me that you are speaking from some area of insecurity.

The kids getting drunk and doing drugs in high school of which there are a lot and are possibly more "happy" aren't better people and sure they may find more drunks to party with over the years than the dedicated hardworking student but that doesn't make them good. My neighbor was the opposite of a tiger parent - hippie and now one kid lives with her for life and she says she's close to them, the other doesn't talk to anyone in the family, and the other only talks to dad. Typical ending for a family regardless of her belief in having amazing mom skills. She used to tell the school when the kids were failing that it wasnt her job to monitor school.  Your type of parent I guess. None of them are successful or married but sure they weren't pushed so that makes them "good" in your book? What exactly makes them super special in your world as being better kinder people than someone who is now a neuro surgeon? What do you have against neuro surgeons? A lot of people that hate disciplined parents come across as overly focused on being anti intellectual or anti society in a way that is just weird for their so called live and let live mentality. Another friend talks about her girls being so motivated on their own and they are both cookie cutter and emaciated. How exactly did they just happen to have the exact same interests as their peers and wear the same outfits while also being so independent as the mom likes to say? What makes them good compared to others for being more focused on being pretty than academic? These families spend inordinate amounts of time focusing on what other people are doing not like them and are basically narcissistic slackers as adults. They are not good and they are not unique. They are just experiencing tall poppy syndrome and coming from a place of insecurity. [/quote]

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