Reply to Better for kids to stay in roommate marriage with DH?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. Thank you for the replies.

For clarity, this is WAY beyond a situation where we’ve simply moved past the lust stage or lack butterflies. When I say there is no conflict, what I mean is the kids do not see us fighting. There are massive amounts of dysfunction in our relationship. Even though we don’t fight, there is still a lot of toxicity that is only getting worse over time and I do feel overwhelming resentment and disappointment in DH.

We have tried going to couples counseling multiple times over multiple years. It did not help us.

I don’t know where we go from here. But wanted to clarify this is way beyond a situation of me yearning for more romance or something.

[/quote]

I think the main thing is to really think about just how much hostility is seeping out. Because that isn’t “low conflict” even if you are not yelling at each other.[/quote]

When dysfunction is normalized it also creates more dysfunction. It isolates you and your children. I said I didn’t have friends over because I was embarrassed. I felt isolated because my parents kept pretending everything was normal while sleeping in separate rooms, being passive aggressive to one another, and at the same time telling me and my sibling they felt trapped in the dynamic and it was basically our fault because they were together for us. It felt very unstable and chaotic and caused a lot of emotional damage. My parents are separated now and have been for almost two decades, but not divorced. Yet my mom also tells my kids she is married to their grandfather who lives in a different state and who she refuses to see in person or spend time with (they won’t spend holidays together). I wish she would just say they weren’t together or something to that effect because it is very confusing for them. All this to say that I’m sorry about your situation, OP. There is not a good answer. I would try to prioritize therapy for all of you including the kids. [/quote]

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