Reply to I filed for divorce today and feel awful

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[quote=Anonymous]Agree with much of what you said PP, but it only takes one selfish person who didn't find family life all that rewarding to break a marriage. My divorce was driven by ex's mental health issues and poor parenting. Divorce hasn't changed that, just pushed me and the kids close to the poverty level. My request that he do something about his issues (which were causing the kids to have anxiety and sadness due to his disconnection) led him to have an affair and then move in with a "new" family. My kids haven't had any good options since whatever his problems are kicked off in his early 30's.

I think the cases where people divorce just because of their adult relationship but otherwise are healthy, stable, mature adults is the minority. Most divorced families I know do not have 2 super involved parents or enough money, and often there are mental health issues (depression, ADHD, personality disorders, problems with intimacy, addiciton) in one spouse. Obviously 2 involved stable parents would be the next best choice. But when one parent is unstable and unpredictable and self absorbed the ideal is for that person to get effective treatment.

My ex has brought questionable people in and out of the kids' lives, none of whom has shown a genuine interest in them. The ideal of 2 loving blended families is nice, but not the reality for many kids from divorced homes.

Divorce has serious consequences for moms and kids that are way less trivial than tennis and volunteering. The financial and social consquences tend to hit them the hardest. Men tend to do BETTER economically after a divorce. The divorce rate for second marriages is very high, higher still for blended families. That a few have had a different experience trivializes the reality for most.

Hey OP, you still out there? What do the economics look like for your bitch of an ex? Your kids? [/quote]

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