Reply to Would you go on a trip with a friend who doesn’t ever want to meet locally?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

[b]I’m very well aware that she is struggling. [/b]She has been in a bad place for over five years.

I don’t think I blew it. There have been other trips and meetings that we have talked about that never happened over the past few years.

I try to understand her and make excuses for her. DH thinks she is unstable and flaky. He does not appreciate our long history and only sees her for who she is now.[/quote]

No, you don't seem to actually understand her struggling at all. You recognize that has experienced traumatic, life-altering things, yet insist on clinging to the past and wanting to see and interact with her in the ways you used to instead of adjusting to who she is now and what she can handle now.

I'm not saying this is your friend, but let me tell you a little bit about myself. I have severe depression and anxiety. Functioning and dealing with basic life things is hard sometimes and I have to do a lot of hiding and faking. I have also had an eating disorder for decades and my weight fluctuates wildly.  Seeing people who haven't seen me in a while is a paralyzing prospect if I'm in a not "well" period. If I know I have to see someone in a month or two, I have a concrete time to get my act together so I'm in a place where I feel comfortable seeing them. If that person were to suddenly say, hey, how about next weekend instead of a month from now? That would be enough to send me into a horrible doom spiral, not just about that specific meeting, but about life. I can't handle spontaneous plans. I've even skipped a grandparent's funeral because of it.

Again, not saying my situation is your friend's, just trying to give you an example of how your constant pushing and insisting on doing things your way could be affecting her. It doesn't matter that you met up with her a certain way for decades, she is not the same person anymore. You need to let go of the past and have a new relationship with her.  [/quote]

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