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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, keep an eye on antisemitism in your local public schools. Since you mention you're in a high cost of living area, I suspect you may also be in a place that is at some real risk of making Jews feel demonized and unwelcome in schools now and in the coming years. It is something to consider as you make your decision. [/quote]

Op here. It’s a big factor in my decision. I am completely in support of Jewish day schools. I just don’t know how much I’m supposed to sacrifice financially for it - do I sacrifice having another kid? Vacations? Savings? [/quote]

Yes, if you need to.  You think you should get aid and go on fancy vacations?[/quote]

Op here. No I do not. But on the other hand, the financial aid system at this school is broken because if I don’t get aid, I am subsidizing other families with stay at home parents making 75k bar mitzvahs who have the gall to apply for and take aid. So - I don’t feel like making an enormous financial sacrifice to subsidize other people’s leisurely lifestyles. The majority of people at this school get financial aid, and instead, they could just make tuition more affordable so it’s more generally accessible.

What I have an issue with is the lack of transparency. If I make 450k and use half of my post-tax income to pay for tuition, forgoing other expenses, while another family with the same income applies and receives aid, it’s not a fair or efficient system.[/quote]

How do you know that other families with the same income as you are getting aid? (Also, why are they giving aid to people who earn $450k a year?)

My main observation on this reply, though, is that I hope my kid is never invited to a $75k bar mitzvah -- I already feel guilty about theirs, which we're trying to bring in for under $30k, total.[/quote]

I know because I know people receiving aid. I know many families at the school and people talk.

Yes, we also hope not to be roped into crazy bar mitzvahs. We hope to do something modest at home and then a family trip to Israel. But difficult when your kids are in circles of outrageous parties. I personally know someone at our school who receives financial aid and has the following lifestyle:

- grew up very affluent (knew them growing up)
- Never had a real job. Has stayed at home since marrying young.
- wears many designer bags 
- has several children 
- lives in an owned, not-inexpensive house 
- has extended family paying what tuition financial aid does not cover

Another person I know at the school receiving aid also has grandparents paying. Grandparents also own their house in some kind of trust.

A third family I knew receiving aid does not have family help but has a similar HHI to ours. Both parents work. Also live in a not-inexpensive house. Their lifestyle is average and similar to ours - UMC but with school being a major expense for them. We have had conversations about the very stressful financial costs of Jewish life.

[/quote]

Oh and the first financial aid situation I cited also made a crazy bat mitzvah recently, complete with a party planner. [/quote]

OP - it sounds like your specific values emphasis and those of people you know at the school may not align. you may want to think about whether the school will be the right place for you if you are going to be side-eyeing the families of your kids' friends.

also, this is not unique to jewish days schools.

finally, to your original question - how do we afford to have 2 kids in private school middle and high school? we 1) interspersed some public school years along the way, 2) do not send our kids to overnight camp, 3) drive older cars, 4) fly overseas to visit family only when we have miles to cover the flight expense, 5) had small bnai mitzvot in DIY fashion, 6) downsized our living situation when we needed to tighten our belts, 7) cook at home/do not eat out in restaurants that much, etc.

-former jewish day school mom / current non-religious private school mom with HHI in your bracket with 2 working parents.[/quote]

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