Reply to Have you ever gone on vacation with another family and left feeling deflated and inferior?

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Reply to "Have you ever gone on vacation with another family and left feeling deflated and inferior?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The OP did say the adult kids have known each other and are friends.  This is probably a family friend child situation from childhood pushed out to adult children.  Still though many times those friendships are like cousins.  A bit forced and sometimes they click genuinely and sometimes not.

But to answer your question OP yes I’ve been on a group vacation and felt bad about my family and I didn’t go with those people again.[/quote]

OP here yes kind of like that. Known each other a long time, have grown into different people. I will admit my kids are not the easy going type, they have strong opinions and can even be judgmental at times. I guess in light of seeing the interactions of the other two families, it made me feel like mine was just not jiving and going along with things easily. I mean for 4 days, they could have been a little more flexible (my kids) and did it for us? I don't know maybe my expectations are too high given that they are now adults

Bottom line I probably won't do that again. Might work for some but not for others. Vacations are meant to relax and rejuvenate not leave even more stressed then when you arrive![/quote]

Did you discuss your expectations with your children?  It sounds like you are perfectly comfortable with your family dynamics but you expected your children to fold in better with the larger group dynamics.  It sounds you did not make this explicit and then were disappoint that your kids did not pick up on your cues.

My kids are only teenagers but I absolutely expect them to soften and go with the flow in a group situation.  They can be quiet and zone out later, no problem, and i give them plenty of space.  But I do expect them to show some social grace as well - I think you are the one who said your kids wont laugh because its' phony?  Sounds kinds of haughty to me.  As I said, I don't have adult children, but if I did and them didn't seem interested in folding into the group situation, I would be asking myself why i am encouraging them to come and not just a family-only vacation later.[/quote]

points above are well taken. No really did not discuss with them in advance, other than we had made some plans for dinner, sporting events, etc...I guess I expected they would join in or not, or maybe I knew they would be hardheaded so I didn't want to deal with it then (prior to trip dealing with an ill and aging parent)

Could they have been a little more easy going and go with the flow? Yes, and in fairness one of them was fairly cooperative. To say they won't laugh if they don'd find something funny is haughty is a real stretch however! It implies arrogance. I am this way too, I don't laugh if I genuinely don't find something funny. I think most are this way. Some people have more grace and consideration perhaps. I actually respect people who act like they feel. Nothing wrong with it IMO.

Looking back my mistake was not being clearer about both the plans and my expectations. If I had, perhaps I would never have felt compelled to write his post. and how knows maybe they would not have even come? But I think despite some hiccups, they did have a good time especially getting to ski. Lesson learned.[/quote]

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