Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you enjoy vacations with just your own family/kids at this point?

I do though they don't happen much anymore since they are all adults. I was thinking maybe we should try a family vacation just our family to see how it goes. My husband likes the idea a lot. My kids are very independent and I realized in looking at those other adult kids, they seem to be much more dependent on the parents and very compliant. Whatever the parents said is pretty much what they did. I guess I am just not used to that.

Some kids love to complain and do the opposite of what they’re told.
That’s not necessarily more “independent”.

Independent would be proposing a cool new thing to do and seeing who else was in, then doing that. Not being belligerent all weekend on an extended family vacation.

Also, bringing along a SO is a whole bag of tricks in and of itself.

Hmm, that doesn't sound independent to me. That sounds like a planner who is a little controlling, and it would annoy me.

To me, independent means someone who prefers to do what they want instead of just going along to get along. I have no problem with someone who decides to go take a shower and rest in their room after skiing, instead of joining everyone in the lodge for board games and snacks. If that's what they'd rather do, why would it bother me? There are times when I might do that too.

Also, why wouldn't an adult in their 20s bring their SO on a week long vacation? I think it's weirder to expect someone that age to NOT bring a SO on a trip like this. Especially when it's apparent that they are not close friends with the another adult kids on the trip. You only get so much vacation time at that age, I would have been nonplussed to spend 5 days of it on a family vacation with other families I was not that close to instead of with the person I was seriously dating at the time. And then what, when I want to go on a trip with my SO in the fall, I'm short on vacation days and we can only do a long weekend? I'd be pretty irritated by that, actually.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you enjoy vacations with just your own family/kids at this point?

I do though they don't happen much anymore since they are all adults. I was thinking maybe we should try a family vacation just our family to see how it goes. My husband likes the idea a lot. My kids are very independent and I realized in looking at those other adult kids, they seem to be much more dependent on the parents and very compliant. Whatever the parents said is pretty much what they did. I guess I am just not used to that.

Some kids love to complain and do the opposite of what they’re told.
That’s not necessarily more “independent”.

Independent would be proposing a cool new thing to do and seeing who else was in, then doing that. Not being belligerent all weekend on an extended family vacation.

Also, bringing along a SO is a whole bag of tricks in and of itself.

Hmm, that doesn't sound independent to me. That sounds like a planner who is a little controlling, and it would annoy me.

To me, independent means someone who prefers to do what they want instead of just going along to get along. I have no problem with someone who decides to go take a shower and rest in their room after skiing, instead of joining everyone in the lodge for board games and snacks. If that's what they'd rather do, why would it bother me? There are times when I might do that too.

Also, why wouldn't an adult in their 20s bring their SO on a week long vacation? I think it's weirder to expect someone that age to NOT bring a SO on a trip like this. Especially when it's apparent that they are not close friends with the another adult kids on the trip. You only get so much vacation time at that age, I would have been nonplussed to spend 5 days of it on a family vacation with other families I was not that close to instead of with the person I was seriously dating at the time. And then what, when I want to go on a trip with my SO in the fall, I'm short on vacation days and we can only do a long weekend? I'd be pretty irritated by that, actually.

to the poster above, correct on all. They were not purposely being mean or spiteful they just literally did not want to do some of the activities, (lunches, dinners) they did do some though.
We went to an indoor place where they had all these sports activities, they only joined us once or twice where the others mostly were there (at least more of the time). Yes they are independent and are independent thinkers. A lot of the planning was done somewhat last minute, dinners were planned ahead of time. Yes bringing the SO was important for them and we had no issues with it. I think as I have done this post it boils down to different family dynamics. My kids are true free thinkers, we raised them that way. So to them, they did nothing wrong.
The other kids of the other 2 families are. much more obedient (if that's the right word), compliant and generally more laid back. Who knows what they told their parents after some of the dinners? Maybe they really let into them the way 2 of mine did. I have no idea. I do know I learned a few good lessons. Won't likely do a big family trip with other families again. I will do a better job of outline the loose game plan ahead of time with them so I do not have false expectations. And will likely just keep the socializing to the sets of two parents who we like very much and refrain from extended family get togethers. For all I know, they had some gripes and frustrations too (arguments behind the scenes, etc...), maybe just did a better job of hiding it. Lesson learned! Thanks to all who chimed in.

lol.

If this is OP pls stay in your self inflated bubble and don’t go out with others. You are obviously just too smart and “independent” for everyone. Just keep telling yourself that. Eventually read up on narcissism when your kids hit rock bottom.

Ok and your suggestions is........? What would you have done? Please tell me I am genuinely curious as to how you may have "righted" this ship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you enjoy vacations with just your own family/kids at this point?

I do though they don't happen much anymore since they are all adults. I was thinking maybe we should try a family vacation just our family to see how it goes. My husband likes the idea a lot. My kids are very independent and I realized in looking at those other adult kids, they seem to be much more dependent on the parents and very compliant. Whatever the parents said is pretty much what they did. I guess I am just not used to that.

Sounds like loosy goosy let the kids be in charge, versus, cohesive best ideas all-in do it type families.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you enjoy vacations with just your own family/kids at this point?

I do though they don't happen much anymore since they are all adults. I was thinking maybe we should try a family vacation just our family to see how it goes. My husband likes the idea a lot. My kids are very independent and I realized in looking at those other adult kids, they seem to be much more dependent on the parents and very compliant. Whatever the parents said is pretty much what they did. I guess I am just not used to that.

Some kids love to complain and do the opposite of what they’re told.
That’s not necessarily more “independent”.

Independent would be proposing a cool new thing to do and seeing who else was in, then doing that. Not being belligerent all weekend on an extended family vacation.

Also, bringing along a SO is a whole bag of tricks in and of itself.

Hmm, that doesn't sound independent to me. That sounds like a planner who is a little controlling, and it would annoy me.

To me, independent means someone who prefers to do what they want instead of just going along to get along. I have no problem with someone who decides to go take a shower and rest in their room after skiing, instead of joining everyone in the lodge for board games and snacks. If that's what they'd rather do, why would it bother me? There are times when I might do that too.

Also, why wouldn't an adult in their 20s bring their SO on a week long vacation? I think it's weirder to expect someone that age to NOT bring a SO on a trip like this. Especially when it's apparent that they are not close friends with the another adult kids on the trip. You only get so much vacation time at that age, I would have been nonplussed to spend 5 days of it on a family vacation with other families I was not that close to instead of with the person I was seriously dating at the time. And then what, when I want to go on a trip with my SO in the fall, I'm short on vacation days and we can only do a long weekend? I'd be pretty irritated by that, actually.

to the poster above, correct on all. They were not purposely being mean or spiteful they just literally did not want to do some of the activities, (lunches, dinners) they did do some though.
We went to an indoor place where they had all these sports activities, they only joined us once or twice where the others mostly were there (at least more of the time). Yes they are independent and are independent thinkers. A lot of the planning was done somewhat last minute, dinners were planned ahead of time. Yes bringing the SO was important for them and we had no issues with it. I think as I have done this post it boils down to different family dynamics. My kids are true free thinkers, we raised them that way. So to them, they did nothing wrong.
The other kids of the other 2 families are. much more obedient (if that's the right word), compliant and generally more laid back. Who knows what they told their parents after some of the dinners? Maybe they really let into them the way 2 of mine did. I have no idea. I do know I learned a few good lessons. Won't likely do a big family trip with other families again. I will do a better job of outline the loose game plan ahead of time with them so I do not have false expectations. And will likely just keep the socializing to the sets of two parents who we like very much and refrain from extended family get togethers. For all I know, they had some gripes and frustrations too (arguments behind the scenes, etc...), maybe just did a better job of hiding it. Lesson learned! Thanks to all who chimed in.

lol.

If this is OP pls stay in your self inflated bubble and don’t go out with others. You are obviously just too smart and “independent” for everyone. Just keep telling yourself that. Eventually read up on narcissism when your kids hit rock bottom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you enjoy vacations with just your own family/kids at this point?

I do though they don't happen much anymore since they are all adults. I was thinking maybe we should try a family vacation just our family to see how it goes. My husband likes the idea a lot. My kids are very independent and I realized in looking at those other adult kids, they seem to be much more dependent on the parents and very compliant. Whatever the parents said is pretty much what they did. I guess I am just not used to that.

Some kids love to complain and do the opposite of what they’re told.
That’s not necessarily more “independent”.

Independent would be proposing a cool new thing to do and seeing who else was in, then doing that. Not being belligerent all weekend on an extended family vacation.

Also, bringing along a SO is a whole bag of tricks in and of itself.

Hmm, that doesn't sound independent to me. That sounds like a planner who is a little controlling, and it would annoy me.

To me, independent means someone who prefers to do what they want instead of just going along to get along. I have no problem with someone who decides to go take a shower and rest in their room after skiing, instead of joining everyone in the lodge for board games and snacks. If that's what they'd rather do, why would it bother me? There are times when I might do that too.

Also, why wouldn't an adult in their 20s bring their SO on a week long vacation? I think it's weirder to expect someone that age to NOT bring a SO on a trip like this. Especially when it's apparent that they are not close friends with the another adult kids on the trip. You only get so much vacation time at that age, I would have been nonplussed to spend 5 days of it on a family vacation with other families I was not that close to instead of with the person I was seriously dating at the time. And then what, when I want to go on a trip with my SO in the fall, I'm short on vacation days and we can only do a long weekend? I'd be pretty irritated by that, actually.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP did say the adult kids have known each other and are friends. This is probably a family friend child situation from childhood pushed out to adult children. Still though many times those friendships are like cousins. A bit forced and sometimes they click genuinely and sometimes not.

But to answer your question OP yes I’ve been on a group vacation and felt bad about my family and I didn’t go with those people again.

OP here yes kind of like that. Known each other a long time, have grown into different people. I will admit my kids are not the easy going type, they have strong opinions and can even be judgmental at times. I guess in light of seeing the interactions of the other two families, it made me feel like mine was just not jiving and going along with things easily. I mean for 4 days, they could have been a little more flexible (my kids) and did it for us? I don't know maybe my expectations are too high given that they are now adults

Bottom line I probably won't do that again. Might work for some but not for others. Vacations are meant to relax and rejuvenate not leave even more stressed then when you arrive!

Did you discuss your expectations with your children? It sounds like you are perfectly comfortable with your family dynamics but you expected your children to fold in better with the larger group dynamics. It sounds you did not make this explicit and then were disappoint that your kids did not pick up on your cues.

My kids are only teenagers but I absolutely expect them to soften and go with the flow in a group situation. They can be quiet and zone out later, no problem, and i give them plenty of space. But I do expect them to show some social grace as well - I think you are the one who said your kids wont laugh because its' phony? Sounds kinds of haughty to me. As I said, I don't have adult children, but if I did and them didn't seem interested in folding into the group situation, I would be asking myself why i am encouraging them to come and not just a family-only vacation later.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you enjoy vacations with just your own family/kids at this point?

I do though they don't happen much anymore since they are all adults. I was thinking maybe we should try a family vacation just our family to see how it goes. My husband likes the idea a lot. My kids are very independent and I realized in looking at those other adult kids, they seem to be much more dependent on the parents and very compliant. Whatever the parents said is pretty much what they did. I guess I am just not used to that.

Some kids love to complain and do the opposite of what they’re told.
That’s not necessarily more “independent”.

Independent would be proposing a cool new thing to do and seeing who else was in, then doing that. Not being belligerent all weekend on an extended family vacation.

Also, bringing along a SO is a whole bag of tricks in and of itself.

Hmm, that doesn't sound independent to me. That sounds like a planner who is a little controlling, and it would annoy me.

To me, independent means someone who prefers to do what they want instead of just going along to get along. I have no problem with someone who decides to go take a shower and rest in their room after skiing, instead of joining everyone in the lodge for board games and snacks. If that's what they'd rather do, why would it bother me? There are times when I might do that too.

Also, why wouldn't an adult in their 20s bring their SO on a week long vacation? I think it's weirder to expect someone that age to NOT bring a SO on a trip like this. Especially when it's apparent that they are not close friends with the another adult kids on the trip. You only get so much vacation time at that age, I would have been nonplussed to spend 5 days of it on a family vacation with other families I was not that close to instead of with the person I was seriously dating at the time. And then what, when I want to go on a trip with my SO in the fall, I'm short on vacation days and we can only do a long weekend? I'd be pretty irritated by that, actually.

to the poster above, correct on all. They were not purposely being mean or spiteful they just literally did not want to do some of the activities, (lunches, dinners) they did do some though.
We went to an indoor place where they had all these sports activities, they only joined us once or twice where the others mostly were there (at least more of the time). Yes they are independent and are independent thinkers. A lot of the planning was done somewhat last minute, dinners were planned ahead of time. Yes bringing the SO was important for them and we had no issues with it. I think as I have done this post it boils down to different family dynamics. My kids are true free thinkers, we raised them that way. So to them, they did nothing wrong.
The other kids of the other 2 families are. much more obedient (if that's the right word), compliant and generally more laid back. Who knows what they told their parents after some of the dinners? Maybe they really let into them the way 2 of mine did. I have no idea. I do know I learned a few good lessons. Won't likely do a big family trip with other families again. I will do a better job of outline the loose game plan ahead of time with them so I do not have false expectations. And will likely just keep the socializing to the sets of two parents who we like very much and refrain from extended family get togethers. For all I know, they had some gripes and frustrations too (arguments behind the scenes, etc...), maybe just did a better job of hiding it. Lesson learned! Thanks to all who chimed in.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your family is the normal and well adjusted family. Your kids know themselves and act accordingly. At that age, they don't need your approval. You've raised them well.

The other families (especially the adult children!) are doing some ingrained performative bullshit. Country Club families are full of this culture. It's weird!


+1
We used to vacation with a family where the kids would always unquestioningly do whatever they were told and my kids were always the “complainers.” Turns out the dad was a total hardass behind closed doors and the kids cooperated so they wouldn’t piss him off. Needless to say we don’t vacation with them anymore.

How hard ass do you have to be about showing up for a meal on a group vacation?

Don't think its being hard ass its being an adult with an opinion. If these kids were say 16 or under it would be expected but really.....why should they have to conform to the plans if they don't feel like going? None of us like feeling pigeonholed do we?

Just communicate ahead of time and do a mix of things. Dont agree and then sulk and mope and No Show like a prick.

What’s this “feel like going” BS?

The time for that was when responding if you are attending or not. Or when the schedule was getting planned and discussed for the day or weekend.

Basic respectful and courteous: you do what you agreed to do.

Otherwise don’t agree and communicate that ahead of time to the group.

Then no one would be talking about this or OP wouldn’t be feeling bad. It’s truly that simple. Manners.

Communicate, and Be responsible for your decisions and behaviors. That’s adulting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you enjoy vacations with just your own family/kids at this point?

I do though they don't happen much anymore since they are all adults. I was thinking maybe we should try a family vacation just our family to see how it goes. My husband likes the idea a lot. My kids are very independent and I realized in looking at those other adult kids, they seem to be much more dependent on the parents and very compliant. Whatever the parents said is pretty much what they did. I guess I am just not used to that.

Some kids love to complain and do the opposite of what they’re told.
That’s not necessarily more “independent”.

Independent would be proposing a cool new thing to do and seeing who else was in, then doing that. Not being belligerent all weekend on an extended family vacation.

Also, bringing along a SO is a whole bag of tricks in and of itself.

Hmm, that doesn't sound independent to me. That sounds like a planner who is a little controlling, and it would annoy me.

To me, independent means someone who prefers to do what they want instead of just going along to get along. I have no problem with someone who decides to go take a shower and rest in their room after skiing, instead of joining everyone in the lodge for board games and snacks. If that's what they'd rather do, why would it bother me? There are times when I might do that too.

Also, why wouldn't an adult in their 20s bring their SO on a week long vacation? I think it's weirder to expect someone that age to NOT bring a SO on a trip like this. Especially when it's apparent that they are not close friends with the another adult kids on the trip. You only get so much vacation time at that age, I would have been nonplussed to spend 5 days of it on a family vacation with other families I was not that close to instead of with the person I was seriously dating at the time. And then what, when I want to go on a trip with my SO in the fall, I'm short on vacation days and we can only do a long weekend? I'd be pretty irritated by that, actually.

to the poster above, correct on all. They were not purposely being mean or spiteful they just literally did not want to do some of the activities, (lunches, dinners) they did do some though.
We went to an indoor place where they had all these sports activities, they only joined us once or twice where the others mostly were there (at least more of the time). Yes they are independent and are independent thinkers. A lot of the planning was done somewhat last minute, dinners were planned ahead of time. Yes bringing the SO was important for them and we had no issues with it. I think as I have done this post it boils down to different family dynamics. My kids are true free thinkers, we raised them that way. So to them, they did nothing wrong.
The other kids of the other 2 families are. much more obedient (if that's the right word), compliant and generally more laid back. Who knows what they told their parents after some of the dinners? Maybe they really let into them the way 2 of mine did. I have no idea. I do know I learned a few good lessons. Won't likely do a big family trip with other families again. I will do a better job of outline the loose game plan ahead of time with them so I do not have false expectations. And will likely just keep the socializing to the sets of two parents who we like very much and refrain from extended family get togethers. For all I know, they had some gripes and frustrations too (arguments behind the scenes, etc...), maybe just did a better job of hiding it. Lesson learned! Thanks to all who chimed in.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why the hell would adult children with their own fiancés want to spend vacation time with their parents’ friends and their children? I thought you were going to be telling a story about ten year olds and tweens not being into it. Your children are adults and surely would prefer to pick who they vacation with. I would have been surly too, if I was being asked to spend all my meals with other random adults I was not friends with. What were the circumstances of your kids coming? Did you ask as them to do you a favor where you would pay for it? And they didn’t realize how much of it would be spending time as a big group with the other families?

The whole thing just seems utterly bizarre that 31 year old children would be part of a “families” vacation organized by the parent generation

+1. WTF, OP. Is this the post-middle age version of keeping up with the Jones? Let’s force my adult kids and their family to ski with strangers so we can all decide who is more lovely and perfect? Are you a troll? Have you lived your entire life like this? Your poor children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP did say the adult kids have known each other and are friends. This is probably a family friend child situation from childhood pushed out to adult children. Still though many times those friendships are like cousins. A bit forced and sometimes they click genuinely and sometimes not.

But to answer your question OP yes I’ve been on a group vacation and felt bad about my family and I didn’t go with those people again.

OP here yes kind of like that. Known each other a long time, have grown into different people. I will admit my kids are not the easy going type, they have strong opinions and can even be judgmental at times. I guess in light of seeing the interactions of the other two families, it made me feel like mine was just not jiving and going along with things easily. I mean for 4 days, they could have been a little more flexible (my kids) and did it for us? I don't know maybe my expectations are too high given that they are now adults

Bottom line I probably won't do that again. Might work for some but not for others. Vacations are meant to relax and rejuvenate not leave even more stressed then when you arrive!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you enjoy vacations with just your own family/kids at this point?

I do though they don't happen much anymore since they are all adults. I was thinking maybe we should try a family vacation just our family to see how it goes. My husband likes the idea a lot. My kids are very independent and I realized in looking at those other adult kids, they seem to be much more dependent on the parents and very compliant. Whatever the parents said is pretty much what they did. I guess I am just not used to that.

Some kids love to complain and do the opposite of what they’re told.
That’s not necessarily more “independent”.

Independent would be proposing a cool new thing to do and seeing who else was in, then doing that. Not being belligerent all weekend on an extended family vacation.

Also, bringing along a SO is a whole bag of tricks in and of itself.

Hmm, that doesn't sound independent to me. That sounds like a planner who is a little controlling, and it would annoy me.

To me, independent means someone who prefers to do what they want instead of just going along to get along. I have no problem with someone who decides to go take a shower and rest in their room after skiing, instead of joining everyone in the lodge for board games and snacks. If that's what they'd rather do, why would it bother me? There are times when I might do that too.

Also, why wouldn't an adult in their 20s bring their SO on a week long vacation? I think it's weirder to expect someone that age to NOT bring a SO on a trip like this. Especially when it's apparent that they are not close friends with the another adult kids on the trip. You only get so much vacation time at that age, I would have been nonplussed to spend 5 days of it on a family vacation with other families I was not that close to instead of with the person I was seriously dating at the time. And then what, when I want to go on a trip with my SO in the fall, I'm short on vacation days and we can only do a long weekend? I'd be pretty irritated by that, actually.