Reply to Have you ever gone on vacation with another family and left feeling deflated and inferior?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, do you enjoy vacations with just your own family/kids at this point?[/quote]

I do though they don't happen much anymore since they are all adults. I was thinking maybe we should try a family vacation just our family to see how it goes. My husband likes the idea a lot. My kids are very independent and I realized in looking at those other adult kids, they seem to be much more dependent on the parents and very compliant. Whatever the parents said is pretty much what they did. I guess I am just not used to that.[/quote]

Some kids love to complain and do the opposite of what they’re told.
That’s not necessarily more “independent”.

[b]Independent would be proposing a cool new thing to do and seeing who else was in, then doing that. [/b]Not being belligerent all weekend on an extended family vacation.

Also, bringing along a SO is a whole bag of tricks in and of itself. [/quote]

Hmm, that doesn't sound independent to me. That sounds like a planner who is a little controlling, and it would annoy me.

To me, independent means someone who prefers to do what they want instead of just going along to get along. I have no problem with someone who decides to go take a shower and rest in their room after skiing, instead of joining everyone in the lodge for board games and snacks. If that's what they'd rather do, why would it bother me? There are times when I might do that too.

Also, why wouldn't an adult in their 20s bring their SO on a week long vacation? I think it's weirder to expect someone that age to NOT bring a SO on a trip like this. Especially when it's apparent that they are not close friends with the another adult kids on the trip. You only get so much vacation time at that age, I would have been nonplussed to spend 5 days of it on a family vacation with other families I was not that close to instead of with the person I was seriously dating at the time. And then what, when I want to go on a trip with my SO in the fall, I'm short on vacation days and we can only do a long weekend? I'd be pretty irritated by that, actually.[/quote]

to the poster above, correct on all. They were not purposely being mean or spiteful they just literally did not want to do some of the activities, (lunches, dinners) they did do some though. 
We went to an indoor place where they had all these sports activities, they only joined us once or twice where the others mostly were there (at least more of the time). Yes they are independent and are independent thinkers. A lot of the planning was done somewhat last minute, dinners were planned ahead of time. Yes bringing the SO was important for them and we had no issues with it. I think as I have done this post it boils down to different family dynamics. My kids are true free thinkers, we raised them that way. So to them, they did nothing wrong.
The other kids of the other 2 families are. much more obedient (if that's the right word), compliant and generally more laid back. Who knows what they told their parents after some of the dinners? Maybe they really let into them the way 2 of mine did. I have no idea. I do know I learned a few good lessons. Won't likely do a big family trip with other families again. I will do a better job of outline the loose game plan ahead of time with them so I do not have false expectations. And will likely just keep the socializing to the sets of two parents who we like very much and refrain from extended family get togethers. For all I know, they had some gripes and frustrations too (arguments behind the scenes, etc...), maybe just did a better job of hiding it. Lesson learned! Thanks to all who chimed in.[/quote]

"Free thinker"  seems to be doing a lot of work here.  Listen, OP, I was pretty sympathetic when I read your initial post, but during your updates, I have lost quite a lot of that.  Your kids don't think it's important to show up to group activities during a group vacation, and ultimately you are okay with that (or it would have been a different conversation with your family).  But you are embarrassed by how your choices and your families choices looked.  Instead of owning that as you did in your OP, you are now resorting to this silly stuff about "Free thinking," "obedience," etc.  Someone else could have easily said your adult kids -- who got a free vacation along with their SO -- were rude AF to skip on the group events that you, the parent and payer hoped they would attend.

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