Reply to Fair division of household responsibilities vs. income

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[quote=Anonymous]I actually think both parents should pitch in equally with the evening chores (dinner and bedtime) even if one of them is a SAHP, unless they are literally working during that time because of long hours, or unless the SAHP explicitly has more downtime during the day (for instance if their kids are older).

The idea that a working parent should be able to put their feet up and relax while the SAHP runs around preparing the meal and taking care of the kids reminds me of my upbringing, where my SAHM mom worked hard all day raising 4 kids while my dad went to work, and then when he came home at 5 he'd sit down in a chair and ask us kids to take off his shoes and bring him a beer, and he'd watch TV while the rest of us got dinner ready, and then after dinner he'd go back to watch TV. The attitude was deeply entitled and unengaged and communicated to all of us that he believed he was too important to be bothered. It was incredibly rude. Also, even though my mom didn't earn money, she did labor all day long. There is no reason he was more deserving of a break than she was.

In a situation like OP's, I think the same logic applies. If she is doing all or most of the work with kids in the morning and evening, when they both work about the same hours, her DH is being selfish and rude. Especially if he's WFH full time. He doesn't even have to change his hours, IMO, but he can't just sit around while OP is cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the kids. I can say from experience that this is messed up and that your kids notice and internalize "oh that parent is entitled to rest and relaxation, but that other parent has to do all the work." The idea that one parent "earned" a break by having higher compensated work doesn't make sense in a family context.[/quote]

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