Reply to Making an ADHD kid apologize to the teacher and whole class after a meltdown

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My child has ADHD and has had pull outs with other kids with ADHD for a few years. I can tell you when this approach works and when it does not work.

When a classmate impulsively ripped up another child's work out of frustration, that child apologized. When my child clumsily ran around the room and knocked over another child's water bottle, my child verbally apologized to that girl and cleaned up the spill. He followed up with a written apology and offered to purchase a new one and replace whatever drink was inside. This is a 3rd grader so

When a different classmate had a meltdown because he is dyslexic and got frustrated by an assignment it would be incredibly counterproductive to have him apologize to anyone much less the whole class. He did not do that on purpose. It was humiliating enough.[/quote]

Thank you for articulating this so well.  I agree.  My youngest DS (ADHD/LD/Anxiety) had meltdowns throughout most of ES - until the middle of 4th grade.  It was mostly a manifestation of untreated/unmanaged anxiety. Youngest DS's anxiety looked very different than his older brother's so we missed it. (I'll also say that my 2nd DC also had it and we missed it until 9th grade because it, too, manifested differently). Youngest DS's anxiety was aggravated by insufficient classroom support - he never had meltdowns in the special ed setting.

I would be livid if DS were required to apologize for a meltdown that was a result of his frustration, was self-directed and didn't touch another student.  It would, absolutely, be making him apologize for his disability.  Although I've got my issues with FCPS, his teachers (general ed/special ed) were amazing as were the schools psychologist and counselors.  Understanding the source of the frustration, helping DS learn to identify his triggers and when he getting spun up were critical - as was getting him on anxiety medication and appropriate classroom supports.  Once those were in place, he never had another meltdown.  It was like night/day.

Finally, I'll say that it wasn't just the anxiety that caused the meltdown.  It is classic ADHD to struggle with emotional regulation.  My DH with ADHD is in his 50s and he will still struggle with it when he's caught up in the moment.  Youngest DS is now in HS, has friends, is very well liked and doing well in school.  He is also still prone to getting overwhelmed and I suspect he, like DH, will have to practice emotional regulation techniques the rest of his life. [/quote]

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