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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Okay - there's a lot to unpack here.

Let's start with - you're the parent. If you agreed with your child that what was best for your family was to stay home for the holidays this year, then that's what you should do. Why are you considering caving because you parents are throwing a tantrum and name calling? If you just didn't want to upset your child, and now you don't know what to do because you also don't want to upset you parents, then you really need to grow a backbone. You're the parent, you decide what makes the most sense, and if those around you are going to tantrum, then so be it. It seems to me, that since you told your son you were staying home, and you were fine with that, you shouldn't change your mind because your parents are being dillweeds.

But further on than that, let's talk more about these visits. Are they nearby enough that they're a day visit? Or do you have to travel? I think it's worth finding a way (long term, not necessarily this year) to teach your introverted child how to spend time with relatives, and stand up for your child with your relatives to make the trip more pleasant. What that looks like depends on the details - but if it's a day trip, you make it short. If it's an overnight, you build in times during the trip when your son gets time to himself. Frequent, lengthy times. [b]Remember - in just about 10 short years, YOU will be the relatives that your son won't always want to visit for holidays. [/b]Finding ways to have family relationships even when you're an introvert is a valuable skill for your son (and I say this as an introvert myself). Does he have his own space on these trips? I think, particularly since you're (pending the previous paragraph) standing up to your family and staying home this year as he wants, you have some latitude to talk to him and troubleshoot together how to make these visits manageable for him in the future.

Also (it's hard to tell from your description) make sure that he isn't being rude or treating them poorly. A good rule of thumb is less time, but behave well during it. I'd much rather my kid sit and chat nicely with grandma for an hour at dinner, then run and hide in the room he's staying in for the rest of the night reading and playing video games, than grump through four hours of forced family togetherness. Now, at 14, his social skills aren't going to be fabulous and that's okay, but he's old enough to survive a couple of annoying "so how's school?" conversations and help with the dishes.

And lastly - what's with the way your relatives treat him? They're repeatedly asking "why is he like this?" in a negative tone?? And you're... trying to explain introversion to them? No! Try, "Excuse me? Larlo is perfect exactly as he is!" You need to stand up for your kid here, and start reinforcing the message that treating a relative with distain is hurtful and unacceptable. And if they CAN'T treat him well - then yeah, stop seeing them and tell them exactly why![/quote]

This. Just keep in mind that in the future DS and family may very well be telling you "sorry, no visitors, we are having a quiet holiday at home" for the rest of your life and there won't be much you can say about it. It's not just about here and now, it's the kind of behavior you want to model.[/quote]

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