Reply to If you have a mentally ill spouse

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "If you have a mentally ill spouse "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]9:39. The world does not work that way. We all do things that affect others. Our job is not to keep affirming you every time you make a mistake or are mean because you can’t handle your emotions. People aren’t here just to help you through all your messes. They have their own lives and expectations. You need to simplify your life and take responsibility and pump yourself up. If you do that you will have less problems and better interactions with yourself and others. [/quote]

That’s what I am saying. I don’t expect you or anyone to do anything. It’s on me. Accepting that, though, is painful. Deeply, intensely painful.

Most people trying to help just aren’t because you aren’t seeing or listening to the efforts that are being made. And you’re reinforcing a message that the person struggling isn’t good enough and that no matter what it won’t be enough.

It’s OK to walk away. Sometimes it’s the most compassionate way to help.

[/quote]

People who have expectations you aren’t meeting are simply stating them and helping you understand the expectations of the world. It is not less kind than walking away. It’s so you don’t keep butting up against them. It’s on you to take agency to understand them and avoid problems. It’s a morally wrong path to keep justifying bad behavior because you feel bad about yourself. It’s ok to be ok with your mistakes but in a way that you minimize that mistake in the future. Many people end up in jail from these justifications. Acceptance and growth. You need to accept your limitations and work towards them growing where you can but also minimizing problems. Stop worrying about whether other people are helping or hurting. Stop judging them. Take what they give you and use it to the best of your ability. You can’t control how others help you or talk to you. You can only control what you do. [/quote]

If they end up in jail, maybe that’s on them.

At some point, you are not helping you are trying to control another person with your expectations. Or you are enabling that person to expect support when they need to experience the consequences and pain in order to actually learn for themselves.

Im not sure what situations are in your life that are motivating you to respond to me. We ultimately agree, but I’m coming from someone who lives with this pain every day and has engaged in bad behavior, who is working every day to take responsibility.

I am saying that it wasn’t until people actually stopped trying to help so much that I actually could actually start taking responsibility to help myself. [/quote]

If you are still blaming people for pointing you in a better direction or assisting you, than this should be your next recovery step to get over why you blame them for simply helping you.[/quote]

And as an example, if you are the mentally ill spouse perhaps addicted or whatever and your spouse "points out your faults" or "helps you" and you wish they would just let you fail, how is that having any understanding of their perspective? They are married to you. They have kids. They want to help which they agreed to when they married you. Same for parents. They are responsible for you and of course want to help their children. It is not their role to just move on and that would completely upend their life. There is nothing wrong with pointing out how someone is traveling in the wrong direction out of care or helping them be a better person. You obviously need to take responsibility for why you push blame onto the people who have tried to help you.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics