Reply to Wanting to divorce a “recovered” spouse

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[quote=Anonymous]Whatever feelings you have about the abuse and 180, how are your kids feeling? Surely they also feel like they are waiting for the other shoe to drop?

Are they going to be able to give him enough "cookies" that he values to manage his moods if alone with him for 1/2 of their childhood? Or will the rage he feels at you sullying his rep find new targets?

Mistreating kids as a way to stick it to mom is a classic tactic and it sounds like he has crossed a lot of boundaries with ALL of you. You mentioned how long it will be until they finish HS, imagine what all that time will be like for them, not only shuttling back and forth and having to spend holidays with strangers, etc. but think how they will feel when you nope out and they are stuck there alone hundreds of days a year.

Your post mentions abuse of the kids but then focuses almost exclusively on your own feelings.

What was your own childhood like, OP? Was dad angry or mom non-protective? If you could find a DV support group it might be really helpful to you to hear the thought patterns of others in a similar situation. The status quo is not going to hold and it's best to have a plan. That is separate from addressing your own trauma, your post reads a bit like the dissociation of one is impacting the other. While you are pondering the emotional impact on you, where is the space to think your kids may feel the same way and then will have to cope with feeling abandoned on top of the abuse? No buffer and think how mad he will be  then? [/quote]

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