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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - my husband and I have been talking this through and are considering pooling resources and chipping in some savings that we can afford to put "on hold" for a few years to buy a one-bedroom condo that MIL can live in. When she passes away or can't live on her own anymore, it will be sold or kept as an investment property. This is all contingent upon (a) convincing her to move to our area, and (b) agreement among the brothers.

Of course, moving her down here is another can worms... Once she can't drive anymore, and needs more care, she will be become our responsibility. I'm not willing to pay for care - we will have to get her on Medicaid - but all the coordination and oversight will fall to me. And I already have my own aging parent (with actual health issues, while lives locally) to look after.[/quote]

First problem is that MIL will fight you. My mom would not move here until she was flat broke and had no choice. I bet MIL likes being where she is, [i]especially [/i]because your DH's brothers are subsidizing it. She will say no and DH's brothers will back her up.

Not sure why you would want to buy a place for whatever period of time lies between now and when she dies or needs to be in a facility. This is not likely to be a long period of time. Then you've got a 1BR condo on your hands which is not a great investment (too many of them in this area already). Why not have her rent somewhere cheaper where she already is? But in this case you will again likely face resistance from her, enabled by your DH's siblings.

Why are you making this your problem at all? Why can't she move closer to one of your DH's brothers? Oh, because his brother's wives don't want to make their MIL their problem. You shouldn't either. Don't let the hot potato land on you.

Really all you need to do is insist that your DH not give her any money - which is, of course, [i]your [/i]money too, not just his - and let his brothers keep paying her if they want to. Or not. If and when MIL runs out of money then she will have to go into Medicaid assisted living and you can deal with that then.[/quote]

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