Reply to How much stress is too much stress?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The pressure comes from parents. There are healthy and unhealthy pathways for kids to choose through all of these schools. It depends on the values and pressure they get from home.( I am a longtime Independent school teacher, administrator and parent. )[/quote]

You all like to say that to blame parents for the unbearable situation these kids are in, while taking zero responsibility for what you do to contribute to it. I’m over here trying to keep my kid sane. I could care less how college pans out at this point. [/quote]

I am really sorry that your dc is stressed. I teach at a university and there is no way to design a class so that it suits everyone unless all the students happen to be at exactly the same level. Normally there are always some students who are breezing through and could thrive on harder material, and there are students who are doing their best and still behind and not getting it. We usually aim for the middle majority, trying to challenge them to a reasonable level that is not overwhelming. In order to make the class easy for everyone, I would have to make the class too easy and unsatisfying for most of the class. I try and help the struggling ones as much as possible but they still have to take the same exams as everyone else. I advise my students who are stressed out to take courses of study that are suitable for them. For example, we always have a ton of premed students who are premed only because their parents expect this. Parents, please don’t do this to your kids. Some of these students would be so much better off following their true passions or attending a university that is a better fit for their personality and interests. This must be true for high school as well. Don’t pick a rigorous option just because you can. Know your kid.[/quote]

I’m the pp and also an educator. While I agree with you, rigor is not the cause of stress for my child. It is a small handful of truly poor teachers combined with no transparency about where they stand (no AP classes, no college counselor meetings, no class rank, no gpa, no grade inflation…they have no idea how to even think about what colleges might be the right fit). As mentioned in another current thread, it is difficult to pull a child from a high school without causing major disruption, or I would have done so.

Even if it was rigor causing stress, the teachers directly advise the students which course level to take by subject. Parents are not consulted or even informed by the school until months later. So putting this on the parents for choosing an overly difficult course load that their child can’t academically or mentally handle is just inaccurate, at least at my kid’s independent.  [/quote]

Do you ask your child what courses they are signing up to take? Are they sworn to secrecy? Are you not allowed to contact their teachers?  Parents might not be choosing courses at your school, but by your account, they are choosing to be ignorant of their children’s course load.  As an educator, are you at least open to sharing this info with parents and if so, why wouldn’t you expect and demand the same from your child’s teachers?

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