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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If so, how do you deal? I have my own ideas about how to succeed and that success matters and kid has no ambition, no goals, is passive and takes no initiative to create anything or solve any problem. No amount of encouragement or modeling or pressure or support has changed this one iota. Still thinks life will magically work out. [/quote]

Sorry OP for your situation and I empathize although we don’t use such negative terms as loser.

We have two children and the older one is an overachiever, self driven and hard worker. She is in grad school pursuing her passions and has a very prestigious position lined up after she finishes her PhD. Her spouse is terrific - smart, kind and supportive of her.

We tried hard to give the younger one all the same advantages in life.  He is struggling on so many levels in ways similar to what you described. I also worry about him being dependent on us forever and not finding a positive path in life.

Don’t know if this will work, but here’s how we are handling it:
1. Personal therapy - found a therapist he likes and can relate to so he can work through problems with her;
2. Family therapy to learn how to validate, support and set healthy boundaries (this is hard work!); 
3. Adjust expectations. We will be thrilled with any college program and job that fosters healthy Independence. No focus on prestige at all - just good fit and affordability; 
4. Encouraging volunteering once a week;
5. Will be teaching to drive very slowly on quiet suburban roads;
6. Will start visiting colleges in sophomore year and make sure there are many realistic safety options;  
7. Talk about there being long term consequences for both poor and good decisions and planning; and 
8. Pray/ meditate for guidance. I’m

Finally self care is important. I make time for exercise and genuine friends to help stay sane. I am trying to detach more and let them make their own mistakes. It is not easy to find the right balance.

We all make mistakes as parents and can say or do the wrong things. But your child knowing that you love them and are trying to do right by them will hopefully go a long way.

Best wishes OP![/quote]

College graduation seems like a huge expectation for someone who is struggling. I guess my kid struggles far more than most. My goals started out being just HS graduation. Now we’re working on no relapses into substance abuse, getting to work on time and not getting fired. In a few years maybe we’ll be able to think about some sort of continuing education. [/quote]

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