Reply to Both my husband and I have no friends

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Not sure what to tell you, OP.  I hesitate to say this without knowing you, but it does sound like it might be something you and DH are or aren’t doing.

I’ve been here 10 years, DH over 15. Right now in the area, I have only a couple of close friends, a few other friends I would consider medium-close, and a lot of acquaintances with whom I socialize when other people arrange it, but I’m not reaching out to them. The thing is that since moving here 10 years ago, I’ve gone through a couple of different friend groups. It’s a transient area. I first made friends through roommates, coworkers, friends from college who had moved here - almost all of them have left the area at this point. I’m still in touch with a handful but I accept that sometimes people are in your life for a while and then you grow apart. I made some new friends when I went to graduate school. Now we have kids and most of our friends don’t yet, so it’s been tough to continue socializing with people who are still living that pre-kids lifestyle. DH has friends that he made in college who still live in the area and some friends that he made through work. I think we could be friends with some people in our neighborhood if we put forth a reasonable amount of effort (inviting people to things, etc), but between the pandemic and working full time and dealing with some other family stuff, we’ve just been putting our energy elsewhere. I say all this as someone who is kind of introverted and used to suffer from a lot of social anxiety - making friends doesn’t come super easily to me, but I’ve been able to manage it in this area. But they’ve all been pretty organic friendships, I don’t go out and do activities with the hope of meeting my new best friend.  [/quote]

This poster and I are very similar. I've had friends but it's for a phase of my life, or at a job, and then we all move on and don't connect as often, whatever we had in common changes. I would guess OP is doing all the right things but it's hard to make true friends. You do need a mutual connection and availability, at least people with elementary kids or busy jobs aren't very free. Also I think it's hard to make friends in a newcomer group, I did that in another major city, folks in that group make their friends then kind of figure out their way and make their "real" friends. [/quote]

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