Reply to He's cheating. Now what?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I've been with a man for 11 years now who has cheated on me multiple times.  I stay because I prefer being with him and this version of a life to the alternative. But I say that while fully realizing I have terrible self-esteem and that a big part of me feels like I'm still trying to win him and I don't want to lose. I'm still trying to prove after all these years that I'm the one he wants. I also don't really have traditional views about monogamy, even though when he cheats I hurt as if I did.

Only you can decide if you want to live this way, and you don't need to decide anything quickly. I can tell you that for the first 7 or so years it was something that really ate at me inside. I'd think about it and experience the feelings of betrayal all over again. I became obsessed with constantly checking on him and figuring out his lies.  It wasn't healthy at all.

Now it's not really that painful at all anymore.  It's sort of like I have become numb to it. And you know what helped? I had my own dalliance a couple of years ago and it was like light bulbs went off everywhere that yes, it could be just about the allure and excitement of someone new and the fire of fresh physical attraction. It made me see his cheating in a whole new way.

Cue the posters who will say I'm a trash human, but just wanted to give you a different perspective. [/quote]

Pff I don't think you're a trash human! I think everything you say makes sense and you are highly self-aware. and cheating on a man who is a cheater...I dunno, I thought I was fiercely against cheating but maybe I'm not. I think you are providing some valuable perspective here.

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