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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  Thank you again for your responses, I am definitely thinking about this issue from new perspectives.

I am curious: how would you come to an acceptance about the fact that your only child has little to no extended family?  I ruminate about this all the time.  This upsets/worries me constantly because I worry that my child, who already feels lonely as an only, will feel all alone in the future.  My parents are completely disengaged grandparents, my sister has no interest in a relationship and I only see her once every few years and she's really not an aunt to my son, and my in-laws are incredibly dysfunctional.  I feel upset and disappointed in my own family's lack of interest in me and my son.  They are happy with the occasional phone call and don't feel a need to see us or visit more than once a year or every few years.

Most of my friends/acquaintances have very involved and engaged grandparents/aunts, uncles and cousins and they have big, warm loving extended families for their kids and fun holidays.  In contrast we don't spend any holidays with family (due to their lack of interest plus the distance) so we have no holiday memories with family.  In general, we don't see family that often and when we do it's not a very enjoyable time for any of us.  My son doesn't really know his extended family very well.

I am really disappointed that our families don't value family and am having a hard time making peace with this and moving on.  And this is part of why I spent 8 years TTC because I really wanted to grow my own family.

[/quote]

OP, I do get where you are coming from with small families.  My child also has very little extended family, due to distance and illness/death for the most part rather than disinterest, which might make it easier for me to process.  I can see how having the people exist but choose not to fill the roles you want can be hard.  That being said, everyone has a different idea of how families "should" work and you can't impose your ideas on others unfortunately.  It can definitely be hard when your friends have what you want (a couple of my friends have local, involved, healthy grandparents and I'm sometimes so incredibly jealous for their easy access to backup or in one case primary childcare) but some of my friends have it even worse than me -- super dysfunctional local family or grandparents who want to be involved but are genuinely dangerous to leave the kids with so it turns into the massive emotional burden for the parents.

What I do is try to make the family I want with the people who want to be part of it.  I involve my friends who like kids, especially the single and childfree ones (I have a bunch of friend who like kids provided they're allowed to give them back when they get cranky or sick lol), in our holiday traditions and day-to-day life.  I send pictures and provide emotional support to them just like I would my siblings.  So far my kid has about 5 adults who revel in their courtesy "auntie" titles.  This Thanksgiving, I ended up at a Friendsgiving with a bunch of people who couldn't celebrate with their families for various reasons and there were seven kids under 5 running around.  It was as loud and chaotic as you could want and without any decades in the making drama.

Wishing you the best, OP!  I know it's hard to revise your expectations of what your adult life will look like.[/quote]

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