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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, can you casually accompany her to the hair salon and comment on a magazine with various hair styles?[/quote]

[b]Am I the only one who would be way more annoyed with passive aggressive moves like this one than knowing my husband wasn't a fan of my haircut? I really dislike it when DH doesn't like something I'm doing but will beat around the bush so that he has plausible deniability, rather than just saying what he thinks.[/b] I want to know where I stand rather than having to wonder.  [/quote]

I'm a guy, and the conversation wouldn't be about hair, but I totally agree about hating the passive aggressive communication style. You can be direct and matter-of-fact without being accusatory or demanding. That kind of communication is way better than hinting or indirectly stating preferences and hoping your spouse reads your mind.

[/quote]

Side note: People seems confused about passive aggression. I haven't seen a single passive aggressive suggestion on here, just suggestions for white lies and hints. Passive aggressive would be DH pretending to confuse his wife for a man, or saying things like "I was going to buy you a beautiful hair barrette, but then I realized that you cut your hair too short for things like that."

You may prefer direct communication, but that doesn't automatically make all indirect communication "passive aggressive".[/quote]

I'm not confused, people just use the term "passive aggressive" in slightly different ways. I started using it to refer to things that don't seem directly "aggressive" after going to therapy.

Another example of what I think is "passive aggressive": say I wished my husband made more money, but I didn't want to say "I wish you made more money" because that sounded mean. So instead I pointed out our neighbor's boat and said "wow, isn't that such an awesome boat? How great for them that they have that boat." This way I can express a desire for change without having to take any sort of accountability for it. My husband would have to read through the lines to get a sense of what I was really saying, and if he got offended and said "it sounds like you don't think I make enough money," I could say "oh no I just think it's great of them." A hint would be more like "hey did you notice this job opening?" Or "have you considered doing [x] with your hair?"  (So PP is right that looking through a magazine and commenting wouldn't necessarily be passive aggressive, I just imagined OP saying "doesn't she look nice with that haircut, honey?" So I stand corrected, maybe it would be fine).

I actually don't always prefer direct communication and I think that often it's a bad way to go. [/quote]

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