Reply to My DS is a freshman and is really happy, but I feel depressed that I limited his options.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I understand you.  Both my spouse and I are struggling with the same dilemma.

We are self employed, so retirement, healthcare costs, possible unemployment or disability is all on us. So, we have always  put a lot into retirement and savings for this reason.  We also have saved for college but not $300K per child, which is what some of these expensive elite privates cost.   We also have a younger child.

DC is a top student but a lot of the top private universities don't give out merit aid. So, it's going to be full pay. We make too much for financial aid.

Is the price tag for some of these private universities really worth it?  We feel badly if we have to limit DC's college choices simply because of finances, but at the same time, I don't know if it's really worth raiding our savings/retirement for it.

For us, though, DC hasn't applied yet to any colleges, but the list DC put together is not cheap.  We've had the money talk with DC, and I feel so badly for limiting DC's choices.[/quote]

I don't get this attitude AT ALL.  My college choices were limited by my parents' finances.  This is completely normal.  This is just life in this country.  You feel bad because (1) you've absorbed the message that the "top private universities" are the best, and (2) you don't have unlimited resources.  There are lots of good colleges that produce happy, productive, employable graduates.  If your kid graduates without significant debt, they are off to a great start, with far more options than if they graduate with a lot of debt.  [/quote]
PP here.. the reason we feel this way is because we have some savings we could tap into, but as I stated, that would put us in a bit more precarious situation financially due to our self employment status, and the fact that ageism is real in the workplace. No one is going to hire a 60 yr old in our field.

Yes, I realize there are some good colleges that are not as expensive, but we feel badly that DC worked so hard (magnet), top of their class, and yet they cannot go to the college they want because it's so expensive.

So, the question is.. do we put our retirement and future financial security at risk and let DC go where they want, or do we limit DC.

I guess my struggle is that I feel selfish for putting our financial security above DC's  desire to go to one of the elite colleges.  But, at the same time, I feel like the $80k/yr price tag is not worth it.  DC worked really hard, so I guess the question is [b]"was all that hard work worth it if DC doesn't end up at a top tier u?"[/b][/quote]

Seriously?  You need help.  Or else you know, deep down, that you are perfectly rational not to risk your financial security and ability to pay for your other kid's educations about your kid's "desire to go to one of the elite colleges," especially as your kid is perfectly happy at the college they are attending.  [/quote]
? I'm the PP, and not OP. My kid isn't in college yet. DC is a senior, looking at colleges, and they want to apply to expensive top tier.  DC is also asking the question "was it worth all that effort in a magnet program to not end up at a top tier".   So, yea, I feel guilty if DC can't go to a top tier because of finances.

OTH, I have told DC that the effort was worth it given how competitive even public universities are now a days, and that the work load in HS will have more than prepared them for the workload in college such that college might be a breeze, and DC can enjoy their college years, get an internship, work and save money, and not be stressed out.[/quote]

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