Reply to Lack of In-law Support

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[quote=Anonymous]Op, I read most of these responses but not all. There’s a lot of judgement here so here is what I will say.

Start taking more care of yourself and worry a little less about other peoples needs and whether or not they are able to help with yours. There is resentment here and that is ok. The resentment is trying to let you know something - probably that you are not honoring your own needs.

Your in laws are the way they are and there is probably work to be done there. Maybe your in laws will be able to help you more in the future, or maybe not. But for now YOU can start taking better care of yourself immediately.

First of all, be honest with them about what you are capable of if they ask for help. Example: “can you please run z or y errand” answer: “I’m sorry I actually can’t . I don’t have the bandwidth for this right now and am struggling with a number of things.” Do not over extend yourself. Next, punt as much back to your husband as possible. This is HIS family. Let him lead the way. If he needs you to help him with his family then he can ask you directly and again, be honest with him about what you can and can’t do.

Ask yourself, what do you need for yourself? Take up the space and resources you need for that. Show people how you want to be treated by treating yourself this way.

It will take time to shift this dynamic but you can start today.

Take your energy back from focusing on how you in laws have not and are not there for you. Use it instead on practicing saying “no” or “not now” and taking care of yourself. Also, if you truly want your in laws to know how you are doing but they are not asking then take up the space you are hoping for and just tell them. Don’t want for the invitation. But if you don’t actually want them to know then stay mum.[/quote]

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