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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here-- I am very ashamed to admit that I want to be married. I wish I could be all alpha female and say I can just do it by myself. That I don't need a man. i know I need to be thinking of the kids, and believe me, I am doing that as much as I can. Psychologically it eats me up. Husband wants to buy a boat, I do it, even if I dont agree. Just to keep the effing peace.

My mom is a divorcee who did this, and I saw how difficult it was.

I also am really scared to be alone.

It is very hard to work on a marriage BY MYSELF.

[/quote]

I have several friends that divorced in their late 30’s, early/early 40’ with two kids. Most found new partners. Now it’s a little different than your situation in that the youngest kid was maybe kindergarten, several had family help in some way during the divorce, and it was more equal salary so not necessarily alimony situations.  My friends that remarried did so with guys that didn’t have kids.  So I guess I’ve seen that’s it not hopeless dating wise but there are no guarantees of finding someone.

Financially speaking, have you seen a lawyer to find out what things look like if you divorce?  Given that your spouse “has made it clear he would be open to an open marriage” and does not seem frugal in his spending - it seems like he is holding the cards because you are afraid of paying alimony.  The problem is he can decide to divorce you at any time so you could do all this to avoid paying alimony and still end up paying alimony. It might be worse going through a divorce closer to retirement unless you make enough to put three kids through college, weather the over spending by your spouse over the years and STILL save enough to give your spouse half of your retirement and other assets and be able to retire comfortably.[/quote]

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