Guy 50s with young kids. I felt the same as you when ex left to be with her ‘lover’. I’m now glad she did it. Yes it’s hard and not the kids choice but staying together was never an option. I’m not advocating for you to stay or go. But you should consider that marriage ending can also ultimately be a good thing for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you think there is a boatload of attractive, kind, gainfully employed men out there just dying for a divorced 43yo mom of three kids I have a bridge to sell you.

Reality is 99% of them were snatched up and held on to.

I don't know about a boatload, but I personally know 3 men who married divorced moms with 3 kids. Two of them were divorced themselves, one was never married before. But they are the kind that wanted big families, so they all went on to having more children with their wives. The women were in their 30s, though, when they got married for the second time.

I am a single Mom to 2 elementary aged children and I have had no shortage of men in my age range (and younger) who are looking for their first or second marriage and have no problem with the fact that I have children and likely won't be adding more. I have been dating an attractive, fit, well-employed 48-year old man for over a year now who has raised his children and is excited about the potential of being involved with mine, should we get to that place. It doesn't take a boatload of men, it takes just one good one.

Are you over 40?

I am 42.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you think there is a boatload of attractive, kind, gainfully employed men out there just dying for a divorced 43yo mom of three kids I have a bridge to sell you.

Reality is 99% of them were snatched up and held on to.

I don't know about a boatload, but I personally know 3 men who married divorced moms with 3 kids. Two of them were divorced themselves, one was never married before. But they are the kind that wanted big families, so they all went on to having more children with their wives. The women were in their 30s, though, when they got married for the second time.

I am a single Mom to 2 elementary aged children and I have had no shortage of men in my age range (and younger) who are looking for their first or second marriage and have no problem with the fact that I have children and likely won't be adding more. I have been dating an attractive, fit, well-employed 48-year old man for over a year now who has raised his children and is excited about the potential of being involved with mine, should we get to that place. It doesn't take a boatload of men, it takes just one good one.

Are you over 40?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you think there is a boatload of attractive, kind, gainfully employed men out there just dying for a divorced 43yo mom of three kids I have a bridge to sell you.

Reality is 99% of them were snatched up and held on to.

I don't know about a boatload, but I personally know 3 men who married divorced moms with 3 kids. Two of them were divorced themselves, one was never married before. But they are the kind that wanted big families, so they all went on to having more children with their wives. The women were in their 30s, though, when they got married for the second time.

I am a single Mom to 2 elementary aged children and I have had no shortage of men in my age range (and younger) who are looking for their first or second marriage and have no problem with the fact that I have children and likely won't be adding more. I have been dating an attractive, fit, well-employed 48-year old man for over a year now who has raised his children and is excited about the potential of being involved with mine, should we get to that place. It doesn't take a boatload of men, it takes just one good one.

Anonymous wrote:If you think there is a boatload of attractive, kind, gainfully employed men out there just dying for a divorced 43yo mom of three kids I have a bridge to sell you.

Reality is 99% of them were snatched up and held on to.

I don't know about a boatload, but I personally know 3 men who married divorced moms with 3 kids. Two of them were divorced themselves, one was never married before. But they are the kind that wanted big families, so they all went on to having more children with their wives. The women were in their 30s, though, when they got married for the second time.

OP - divorce now if you are unhappy. It’s not just the retirement but also kids’ college accounts that get split in divorce, did you know ? He can waste half of your kids’ college savings, can’t think of anything worse !

Anonymous wrote:OP here-- I am very ashamed to admit that I want to be married. I wish I could be all alpha female and say I can just do it by myself. That I don't need a man. i know I need to be thinking of the kids, and believe me, I am doing that as much as I can. Psychologically it eats me up. Husband wants to buy a boat, I do it, even if I dont agree. Just to keep the effing peace.

My mom is a divorcee who did this, and I saw how difficult it was.

I also am really scared to be alone.

It is very hard to work on a marriage BY MYSELF.

I have several friends that divorced in their late 30’s, early/early 40’ with two kids. Most found new partners. Now it’s a little different than your situation in that the youngest kid was maybe kindergarten, several had family help in some way during the divorce, and it was more equal salary so not necessarily alimony situations. My friends that remarried did so with guys that didn’t have kids. So I guess I’ve seen that’s it not hopeless dating wise but there are no guarantees of finding someone.

Financially speaking, have you seen a lawyer to find out what things look like if you divorce? Given that your spouse “has made it clear he would be open to an open marriage” and does not seem frugal in his spending - it seems like he is holding the cards because you are afraid of paying alimony. The problem is he can decide to divorce you at any time so you could do all this to avoid paying alimony and still end up paying alimony. It might be worse going through a divorce closer to retirement unless you make enough to put three kids through college, weather the over spending by your spouse over the years and STILL save enough to give your spouse half of your retirement and other assets and be able to retire comfortably.