Reply to Husband cheated with high school sweetheart

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Husband cheated with high school sweetheart"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I am writing it as someone whose exH carried over a hidden affair at work for 5 years. He also did it on work trips/abroad. In my case it was a strong emotional connection between the 2 of them, so he would not stop seeing her. And I wanted out, too as I didn't want to live as a family with his AP so involved in my marriage forever.

But if your husband is already broken up with that woman, she's already disposed of and irrelevant. Her texting you shows her weakness. Do not break your marriage over some whore. Particular if your husband wants to reconcile, work on the relationship. You have 3 kids to think of ! If otherwise the marriage felt good (no abuse, alcohol, he is a good earner) try to stick it out. Do not confront him openly, do not talk about a divorce. Give yourself time to line up finances, research lawyers, get all statements. Then keep it locked in your drawer until kids are out for college.

[/quote]

This, above, is horrible advice from someone who has zero idea about the rest of OP's marriage and whether or not the DH is "otherwise" good.

This advice also is totally contradictory because the PP says: "Do not confront him openly"

But then also says: "...if your husband wants to reconcile, work on the relationship..."

So how does the OP know if her husband wants to "reconcile" and put in any work, if the OP is NOT supposed to tell him that she knows he had an affair? Totally contradictory advice. And this PP also advises OP to keep information "locked in your drawer" and say and do nothing else untll the last of the THREE kids has left for college. For all we know, that could be another decade or more. Why should OP have to sit there, eaten up by this knowledge, for years on end? No, she needs to do what the PP above at 12:03 says.

OP, please, go back and re-read the advice posted at 12:03 by "been there, done that" poster. Collect information and get outside help (therapist, lawyer, bank etc.) to get yourself together for a decision. That does NOT mean you then lock all that information away and bide your time for years while the kids grow up. It does, though, mean that you take your time. And yes, you will be at a point very soon where you will confront your husband. If you do not, well, even if he broke things off with this AP, his having cheated with her makes it likelier that he will cheat again, especially if you do not SAY anything at all or tell him you know. [/quote]

You totally misread my advice (or maybe it wasn't worded together). What I meant under "not confronting" is lawyering up and initiating a divorce on a spot. Of course OP needs to talk to him, each of them attend couples counseling and [b]work through the issues in their marriage.[/b] He's not trustworthy so it would be good for OP to have a hidden drawer somewhere with cash and all financial information ready for action: his pension appraisal, a good estimate of home equities, all bank statements etc. Just do not discuss with him now. [/quote]

IMO there's nothing to work through with this type of affair. He'll never let AP go and OP will be wondering from here on out if they're still in an affair if she decides to stay. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics