Reply to If you are a working mom, why?

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[quote=Anonymous]Yes, some SAHMs judge WOHMs. But the reverse is also true. When I see this happen, I always assume that whoever is doing the judging is speaking out of insecurity and I have empathy for them, because our culture expects moms to somehow be SAHMs and WOHMs at the same time and it's no wonder so many of us feel insecure about our choices.

Anyway, to answer your question OP, I work for a bunch of reasons. The biggest is that my family needs the money -- my income is essential to our financial well being. But it's also at least partly because I just like it -- I like using my brain in the ways my work requires, and I like the feedback loop and rewards of work, which are different from those I get from being a mom. I think some of this is that our culture does tend to elevate paid work above care work, so I'm getting a kind of validation from doing paid work that I cannot get from parenting. So much of what I do as a mom is taken for granted or even derided as unimportant or useless. At work, everyone takes what we're doing seriously and what I do sounds complicated and impressive (sometimes it is, sometimes a lot less than it seems) and it makes me feel good to be seen as smart and competent and worthwhile for that.

Another reason is that once my kid started school (and I'm one and done) I would have felt pretty guilty not working. I guess if we were independently wealthy, I wouldn't choose to do the job I do. I'd get some job I was passionate about that paid no money. Maybe writing novels no one reads or becoming a museum docent or something. That sounds awesome. But I'd still do something beyond just mothering, because a child over the age of 5 does not need me to sit at home and wait for her to get home from school. And I'd be bored AF doing that.

I did stay home for several years when my kid was a baby/toddler and I loved that and have zero regrets. I felt pretty lucky that we managed to find a way to make that happen financially and I wish more women who wanted to do it could. But I don't think anyone HAS to do it or that it's the only way to be a good mom. I surprisingly enjoyed the whole breastfeeding/diapers/tummy time/story time/etc. era but I can see why it's not for everyone and that's more than okay.[/quote]

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