Reply to Wife constantly talking about how much men suck

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm generally on the same side as my wife politically, and I agree that women tend to get the short end of the stick in a lot of ways, politically, legally, and culturally. But the constant drumbeat of how men suck is just really off-putting. When I occasionally object, she'll say some variant of "oh, I don't mean you." If I was on and on about the shortcomings of women, she'd be furious. And she'd take it personally.

Anyone else have a spouse who fixates on a single subject in a way that's relentlessly negative? If so, how do you deal with it?[/quote]

You can’t take women seriously when they talk like this, and, for God’s sake, don’t bother responding. It’s like wrestling with a pig in mud, and you’ll never persuade her to go against the consensus of mainstream female opinion, even in those cases where you can prove beyond doubt her position is incorrect.  It’s not about that.  [/quote]

I don't want to persuade her that she's wrong. By and large she isn't wrong. The things she complains about are mostly legitimate. But vaguely blaming it on "men" repeatedly and at length isn't helping her to change anything, isn't making her happier, and is an irritant in our relationship. [/quote]

Just a heads up: it’s a terrible idea to try to change the way somebody thinks or feels because you want them to be happier or you think it’s not effective. My husband used to do this to me all the time, with any negative emotion, behavior he thought wasn’t effective, or thinking pattern he disagreed with and thought was making me unhappy.

He went to therapy and learned that a) he cannot change my emotions and b) yes, the negative things I experience in the world will have an impact on him, similarly to how when his job is extremely stressful that has an impact on me; that’s just the nature of being in a relationship with somebody, and c) rather than trying to convince me to feel differently, a far more effective approach would be to show me that he is on my side, that the problem is “out there” and we both dislike that problem and we can just validate feelings, rather than trying to change them. My husband starting doing this and the quality of our relationship went way up. He did tell me he needed me to stop venting to him about certain things and I respect that. But feeling like he cares about my feelings rather than just wanting to change me I’d amazing. [/quote]

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