Reply to DH pushing me to be closer with MIL

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "DH pushing me to be closer with MIL"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I find it a sign of low intelligence in women who cannot fake a good relationship with their ILs.  For me it shows lack of social intelligence.

Unless they are drug abusing, sexual deviant pedophiles, violent cult members who are basically felons...who you must absolutely avoid...I think that any DIL can basically have a superficially warm relationship with any kind of ILs (if you are not permanently living with them),  which can be   polite, drama-free and appropriate.

DH and I, often go to visit my ILs, which is usually a 4-5 hour visit.  A lot of the visit goes in being busy and helping with food and clean-up.  I will go and ask each family member how they are doing and a lot of   "mmmhmmms", "oh dear", "that's great" kind of non-committal replies later I am done.  I refuse to take offence if they say something sort-of rude and usually laugh it off and deflect.  My ILs, who were at one time against my marriage to their son, love me now. DH is amazed that I can be so social and nice to them and an IL visit is not a source of stress for me.

In reality, my ILs do not want a deep emotional connection with me. They just want a normal social connection with me.  They want to have a deeper and closer relationship with the son and grandkids.  I let all of these things happen because I don't have to be a package deal with their son and grandkids.

Just behave like a good guest when you visit them, make small talks, help out, keep busy...there is hardly any time and energy left for taking offense.  Y'all can't do that?  How are you surviving in the work place or the neighborhood? [/quote]

I think you're ignoring what is the key component in my mind--that OP's husband is sharing information about their marriage, and the MIL takes it upon herself to weigh in. I agree that if it were just a matter of OP smiling, nodding, and being polite with someone she has little in common with, she should do it. But to do this with someone who is actively interfering in her marriage is another matter. OP has a DH problem and a MIL problem. Probably easier to tackle the DH problem--if OP can shut him down from sharing intimate details of their relationship with his mother, she'll be less annoying and OP can have a less fraught relationship with her. [/quote]

OMG this!!!!!!!!! If her DH wants her to have a relationship with the MIL he has to respect her boundaries. I would NOT be ok with my DH discussing our relationship problems with my MIL. Way to drive a major wedge. I’d ask for this to stop ASAP and see how you feel about her. I do plenty to facilitate my MIL visits because I understand they are important to my DH and some what to our kids but I would not be ok with getting her advice on my relationship especially if you already know you are very different.

If he agrees and comes through on that, maybe  each visit you can do one thing with her 1:1 that you actually enjoy like going to pedicures or something. Does your DH have sisters? My MIL doesn’t have a lot of friends and desperately wants people to do girly things she can’t do with her husband and son. Before our visits were mostly about the kids I tried to do something she liked, we had enough common ground that it was possible. I did not let her take me shopping at Talbots or equivalent though…[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics