Reply to DH pushing me to be closer with MIL

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Imagine if the tables were turned... Let's say my dad likes to go fishing and keeps hinting that he wants my husband to come. My husband has no interest in this. I ask him to take one for the team to make my dad happy and thus make me happy. He says he will not perform emotional labor because he dislikes my (perfectly civil) father. What say you DCUM? [/quote]

He should go at least once and if he doesn’t like it, pass going forward saying something friendly like “tried it, not for me, let’s all go out for Mexican instead next month”.  Or at the very least, go fishing with dad and me, not just the two of them, again trying it just once.[/quote]

That would be fine if your DH hasn't been fishing before.  We should all be open to trying something new.  But, if your DH has been fishing before and doesn't want to spend that kind of time with your father, why should he have to?  To paraphrase a PP, why isn't it enough that your DH is a good partner to you? [/quote]

I guess that's a good question (I'm the PP with the fishing idea.) In my family of origin it is decidedly NOT enough for any married-in member, male or female, to be a good partner. They are expected to be warm-and-fuzzy with the entire clan. I suppose we are all enmeshed with each other. My husband is a more [b]closed-off[/b] person and they all think he is rigid and icy, even though he is a good husband and father. The pressure seems to be even higher on women.[/quote]

I'm the PP that asked why it isn't enough to be a good partner.  Are you describing your DH as 'closed off' because he's not warm-and-fuzzy?  I ask that because 'closed off' implies there's something wrong with him, like he's emotionally stunted.  You can not be warm-and-fuzzy and not be 'closed off'.  You say your DH is a good husband and father so I'm assuming that he is, instead, more reserved than with your family than what they expect - so, they render a judgment that he's 'closed off' rather than acknowledge his right for emotional autonomy. [/quote]

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