Reply to SILs expect me to be one of MIL's caregivers

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]I'm 54, my husband is 63.

This grates on me because SILs showed no interest or compassion to my parents when they were ill and died. My mom died of cancer 7 months after the diagnosis at the age of only 52.
My dad had advanced diabetes (it went undetected for years), he subsequently developed osteomyelitis, he then started having TIAs and he eventually died of sepsis (blood poisoning). He was 64.

My parents lived 6 hours away. I did not expect SILs to go see my parents in person when they were ill, but they could have sent them a friendly card or a note, they could have asked me about my parents, or comforted me after they died. They didn't. I have no siblings so no one to share my grief with apart from my husband.[/quote]
OP, If I do the math correctly, your mother must have died over 20 years ago, and your father likely 15+ years ago.  This... is a long time to hold a grudge.  I'm sorry that SILs weren't there for you as much as you would have liked, but I'm guessing that 20 years ago they may have been neck deep in childrearing/working/general life business.  Sure, it would have been nice to send a card, but your anger towards them is completely misplaced.  I too am an only child and have ZERO expectations from my SIL or BIL when it comes to the care of MY parents.  Why would they be involved in that?  They have their own parents, in-laws, and children to worry about.

OP, you don't like your SILs and you are bent out of shaped that they asked you to do something that you think will benefit them.  Your SILs may be ugly on the inside, but it seems you are no better.[/quote]

I am the OP. 
Do you realize how judgmental you sound?

My mother died 23 years ago, my father 14 years ago.

While I did not expect my SILs to 'take care of' my parents or 'get involved' (that was my job) I felt sad that they - 2 women of my own age group - didn't show any interest in nor compassion for my parents' and my situation. They could have sent my mother a friendly card to show they were thinking of her when her diagnosis was terminal; they could have asked me about my father now and then when he was ill and struggling for 3 years; they could have made some time for me when I was feeling down after each funeral.
But they didn't, and that was a choice.

The thing is, I know my SILs better than you and I can confirm that they NEVER get in touch with me unless they need something from me or when they want me to do something that will benefit them.

In the 25 years that I've known them, they NEVER call me to say hi, or ask me over for coffee or for a chat or to go shopping or to do something fun together. And when I suggest getting together they're always 'busy', or they say they have other priorities.

So I will just ignore their sulking and I will support my MIL on my own terms, if and when I can, not when and how often they think I should help.
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